Let them Be

Parenting is such an ego trip.

Your baby sleeps through the night at six weeks? Well. Then. You've clearly done something right. They crawl at six months and walk at ten, and you've got enough gross movement stimulation to motivate and raise an Olympian. They eat their vegetables and wipe their mouth with a napkin when they are done and you're practically Emily Post. If they read Grapes of Wrath before reaching Pre-k, well, congratulations, you're a genius raising a mini-genius. All that Bach and Mozart in the womb paid off and maybe they can explain that book to me.

And if they don't do any of these things we take it as a personal hit to our abilities as a parent or say it's because.

It's because they are the oldest.
It's because they are the youngest.
It's because they were born under a full moon.
It's because, because, because..but always because of something.

Maybe it's because it is just them.

One of the unique perspectives of having adopted a child is that you don't expect to see yourself reflected back at you each and every time you look their direction. Purely through circumstance you are required to acknowledge that there is so much that makes up these little beings. They have interests, personalities, even goals and aspirations that you might, just might have to recognize did not come from you. So many choices, so many experiences, so much that is just them.

I think half the stress of parenting would dissipate if we could remember that, even a quarter of the time.

***

Scrunch and I had one of the very first talks where I think she is actually starting to "get" it. Maybe.
We were lying in bed. She put her hand on my cheek and said, "Mommy. Your eyes are brown."
"Yep. My eyes are brown."
"They're pretty."
"Thanks. You have pretty brown eyes, too."
"Yeah, they're cute. Papa has blue eyes. What color are Erick's eyes?"
"Erick's eyes are green. Sometimes brown. Do you know who else has pretty brown eyes?"
"Who?"
"C has pretty brown eyes."
"Yeah, she does."
"Do you know who C is? She grew you in her tummy."
"Yeah, she did. But not anymore! I'm out now!!"

That made me laugh and then she proceeded to "Shhhh, shhh, shhh!" me because she couldn't hear the music. The kid is totally diggin David Gray right now. Funny bug.