The autocorrect on my Ipad changes my name in an e-mail to Hammered. I don't know why it makes me laugh. Every time. I haven't gotten around to fixing it, but when I do I want it to auto correct to read 'Less Hammered, More Knocked Up.' It is not a very refined way to describe being 'with child' but man, it feels like an accurate description.

I am somewhere between trying to be grateful for the little blessing within and "Oh, my giddy aunt! What have we done!?" Even after everything...the years of infertility, the friends, the knowledge of loss, waiting, and wanting...I know people who would give a limb to be in my position. At one point, it would have been me. Ungrateful Wretch! Probably. Isn't that awful? I'm trying to be grateful, but I also try to be honest.

The feeling fluctuates from minute to minute as the puking pendulum swings throughout the day. It was especially awesome when Porkchop came to my side on the couch, pretended to gag and vomit, and then actually did gag himself and spew. I was Crappy Mom with a capital C right about then. Bah, what's new? I am in the running for Mother of the Year what with all the Word World we've been watching and laundry not being folded. Er... done. Even though the air conditioning is running full blast keeping things a balmy 68 degrees in my house, just knowing that it's 104 outside sucks the energy right out of me. I hope all that my kids remember about their mother from this summer is cartoons and ice cream sandwiches. That's not such a bad childhood, right?

My sister is about to pop out a little (but probably big) Dude any day now. As she prepares for labor my only advice was, "Labor is easy, compared to being pregnant!" I would labor once a month the duration of my pregnancy if I didn't have any other symptoms the rest of the time. Where do I sign?

Once, after finding out that I was a nurse and had a homebirth, someone asked me if I would ever want to be a Midwife. God love them! But I'm going to go with, "um...Hell to the no!!!!"

I cannot stand whining, moaning, pregnant women!

Me included.

I am not my best self right now. I am moody and irritable. Whiny, lazy, and lack any motivation at all. It might have little to nothing to do with being pregnant, but man it makes the best excuse.