Monday, December 10, 2012

I feel like the Grinch this year. I am seriously over it. I want to sleep for three weeks and hit the reset button. I'll start over at the New Year. Next year I will inventory my pantry, and I'll keep to my cleaning schedule, and I'll keep pretty little towels in the bathroom. Mmmmhhhmmm.....I sure will!..... Sure. I've got a few jobs for those darling little Elves everyone but us has floating around their house. How about they get their ass off a shelf and pick up some Windex or a Swiffer?

I even tried to convince my Husband we didn't need a tree. What is wrong with me?!?! Getting back to my new normal is taking me longer than I thought. How the Hell is it December anyway? Wasn't Halloween last week? According my blog posts it practically was. Hehe. Remember when I used to write more than once a month? That was like forty-seven life changing events ago.

Of course I caved to the pressure of disappointing Cindy Lou Who (Scrunch) and we went and got our tree. Every year around this time I see people with their trees on the roof of their cars and I mock them for getting such small trees. What's the point?! "Go big or go home!", I tell my husband. Turns out we don't know crap about choosing a tree. This year because I'm being such a Grinch we went local to cut it down. Woohoo! Support local! Or whatever. I Grinched out and made the executive decision that I didn't want to drive to the middle of nowhere.

It is our smallest tree ever. And I love it! It didn't take six hours to cut the bottom three feet off when we realize we do not have sixteen foot ceilings and to put the lights on. Husband doesn't even have to get the ladder out to put on the topper. If we could find the topper. Where is my silver tree topper?!?!?! That cost me a whole dollar at the Dollar Store and now it's gone. We let Porkchop stay asleep in the car and bought the tree closest to the road where I could watch him and still heckle my husband over his sawing. We bummed string off a very nice family who was clearly more prepared than we were and into the Holiday Spirit. I didn't flip off the crazy lady who got out of her car and onto her cellphone to mull over the shelled walnuts while still in the drive-thru checkout! I would say that was rather Holly and Jolly of me.

My heart may be three sizes too small, but it is growing. I still let Scrunch bring Mike the Catepillar with us to pick out the tree and haul the little white fake one from room to room with her for the last three days. I have two weeks to get my act in gear. By December 23 I plan to have Christmas in the bag and be full of good cheer. I have secured this fail proof plan by breaking my "Home for Christmas" rule and going to Grami and Gramps' for Christmas. There I will eat, drink, be merry and be surrounded by people who will ensure that the Holiday is magical, wondrous, and full of the stuff childhood memories are made of- without me having to do the work.

Dear Santa,

Please send me a two-year-food-supply sized can of Give a Crap cuz I just plain ran out this year.

The Grinch who isn't ready to face that it's already time for Christmas

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


As far as vehicles go, Huey The White Whale's (a.k.a. ten passenger eye sore that wouldn't even fit in my garage) existence was short-lived. He is now probably on his way to joining the ranks of a RotoRooter fleet or happily hauling passengers to the airport. At least that is my wish for Him. It's really not his fault I always felt like I should be wearing coveralls as I drove. I always felt like I should be cleaning carpets or snaking somebody's toilet. I can't say he'll be missed. Much. Or at all. But his presence is still felt. Every single time I release the parking brake, I pop the hood. And it would be funny if there weren't so many other damned buttons and lights that have me all nervous and twitchy as I drive. There. That is something nice to say about Huey, our dearly departed. He had absolutely no bells, no whistles. He was so simple even I could drive Him. He was so big, I felt safe out on the roads. Even that one time the road should have been closed and it wasn't and it was completely flooded out and I had to back down the road through all the water being led by a teenage twerp in his Daddy's truck, and I backed over a tree and I didn't care because it was Huey. Huey could hack it. Rest in peace Huey. Mama's got a new, MUCH smaller ride.

Monday, December 3, 2012

I am not a fan of using my blog in the way of announcements, but at some point something has to be said. We no longer have six kids living under our roof. The last two weeks have been um...Hell. I can report that everyone is happy and safe, but that is all I am going to be saying about it.

Today the sun was shining and I took Scrunch, Porkchop, and Juju to the park. We took turns pushing eachother on the merry go round. I suppose I could have taken pictures, but I got so dizzy and caught up in spinning that I forgot. Then we drove to visit the swans who live on the lake. We couldn't find them. It might be too cold? We saw a heron instead. During Porkchop's nap Scrunch and I are going to play with perler beads. I want to order some new markers and coloring books. We're having potstickers, rice, and edamame for dinner. I am trying to keep things a little boring and low key. I have a new appreciation in life for boring and low-key and am feeling the need to protect the simplicity of it. Without pictures, it doesn't do much in the way of blogging. Bummer for you. Thankful me.

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