Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Random....I think it is Saturday.

Miqui..."Why aren't you blogging?"
"Because I'm busy eating bon-bons and watching my soaps."
But then later in the conversation she gave me a better response. It is my new go-to. For everything and everyone.
Oh, the horticulture humor. Bwahahahaha!

If you have to ask why I haven't been blogging then you have not visited my home in the last month. My every two hour nursing newborn is the easy one. No, really. She is. I cleaned raisins out of the soap dispenser in the dishwasher. Porkchop thought he would help. The last thing I need is more help. Last night on our walk Scrunch chastised the speed of my walking across the street. "Mom, you're going very slow and then a car will come and squish us flat like a ladybug. My Papa will be very upset with you."

Grami? She's no help either. She just encourages them because in her words, "They are funny little bugs!" Actually, she's been a great help. As of tomorrow I will be on my own and I will go back to blogging at weird hours of the night or middle of the afternoon because no one will be enforcing my naps.

I am a walking wardrobe malfunction. The worst public nurser ever! I can't figure out if it's because I don't care who and what they see, or if it's because I really do care. At any rate, I suck at it (teehee) and my current wardrobe is not really designed for it. And you're thinking, "All you do is lift your shirt up." If only it was that easy! This morning I pulled on a long sweater dress and then realized that I was practically going to have to disrobe every two hours.

I haven't been this awkward in my own body since seventh grade- when everything in life was awkward. Scrunch was a super help there as well when last week she asked me, " did the squishy zebra get in your tummy?" That's what Aunt Goose came up with to describe the post-partum racing tracks and squishy-ness that accompanies it. Aw, crap! I just realized my kid is expecting me to birth a zoo right around Christmas time.

The reasons are many and the gag order has not yet been lifted so the short version is...I put Ani on a plane yesterday and sent her to Texas to live with Aunt E.

Zero budget Relief Society Activity needing centerpieces. No problem. But think bigger. Pickle jar bigger. All lined up on my counter. I hope it works. If I can keep a couple of kids, a dog, and cat alive I think I can grow wheat grass. Well, I can't really take credit for the cat. That's Husband's department.

Thank you Pinterest for the picture.

This is what our Saturday looks like...

Ma boys watching videos on YouTube about building antennas for a ham radio. At least it's not Toy Story 3 for the thousanth time???

Scrunch is in the front room playing ponies and putting her babies to sleep.

Baby is sleeping.

And you already know I'm busy with the bonbons and soaps. Juuuuust kidding. It's not the soaps. It's Pinterest. For the record, I still don't know for sure what a bonbon is. I think its a Hostess-like pastry. My mom thinks it's in the freezer section with the ice cream. I'm headed to Winco here in a minute and will let you know for sure.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

For your viewing pleasure...

Danielle Hatcher Photography

Call/text/FB/pm/message (but don't tweet? me I'm not that cool yet) if you want her card. She's fabulous!

Friday, February 17, 2012

If you want my advice...

I knew life was going to get crazy this year, I just didn't know to what extent. To my surprise, it hasn't been bad. People have repeatedly warned that #3 was the one that almost did them in. We're into this a week and  Shhh! Don't tell my other kids, but the newborn is the easy one.

I won't be making any Best Seller lists as a parenting writer because my advice is to #1 Get so desperate for kids that you are oblivious to the sleeplessness and work required for your fist one. #2. Have your first labor be long and to a kid with a giant head. #3. Pump exclusively for a year. And not just pump, then feed with a specialty bottle to a baby whose face is being molded on a weekly basis. I am sooo the wrong mama to bitch to about teething. Proceed with multiple surgeries requiring restraints and syringe feeding. By #3 when you get a "normal" newborn who latches automatically from the get-go, who needs no extra appointments or home inspections, court dates, or doctors visits, it's like "Holy Crap! This is easy!" At my three day midwifery visit I stared at Kaleem and said, "So, I just hold her and nurse her and that's all I have to do? This is awesome!"

"Even though this might be less work, it is still a lot of work." And then she put me on restriction until tomorrow. Afraid that I might go and paint something or move furniture around. I haven't been in the car since last Thursday night. I've been such a good girl! I've only walked to the park and been taking lots of naps. It's been nice.

A few other things have been helping as well. You didn't ask, but I have to pretend that you did so I have something to blog about.

FlyLady- We have a love/hate relationship. Turns out when I just shut up and do it, it works. House has never been consistently cleaner. Or at least livable. It actually only takes seven minutes to fold a load of laundry and about 15 to do the dishes and pick up the kitchen. It's amazing what 15 minutes can do. And my kids are learning what the timer is. The BEST calendaring tool I've ever used. Love it! Keeps track of my To-Do lists, grocery lists, and even meal calendar. I can access it from my laptop and my phone. Awesome.

My freezer! When Husband got a freezer for Christmas my sister commented that maybe I should be a little worried. "Why?" "Do you know how many NCIS episodes I've seen where the wife ends up in the freezer?" So, I got to work filling it up. I've found that the two grocery stores I like mark their meats down on Wednesday and Saturday nights. It's so sad that I know that. But my freezer is full and we've got a meal plan through March.

One of my favorite blogs shared her Meal Plan BluePrint.  I modified it a bit to work for us. Monday- Soup and Salad, Meals on Tuesday and Wednesday. Spaghetti Thursday. Meal Friday. Breakfast for dinner on Saturday. Leftovers or Black Bean Tostadas on Sunday. I don't like cooking on the weekends and if we're gone or go out it totally messes with the meal plan so we ditched cooking on the weekend altogether.

Bar Keeper's Friend- Freaking awesome cleaner for the stove, the fridge, and the shower stall. Cheap too.

Denture cleaner- This came of Holly's brilliance. I buy it at the dollar store and drop a tab into the toilet. Swish and flush. Clean, sparkly fresh. No scrubbing. I've dropped them into crusty dishes and the fridge drawers with equal success. Awesome.

Pinterest. That's all you gotta say. I've used it for Kid's Crafts, Relief Society invitation ideas, centerpieces, everything.

My husband. He does dishes, diapers, washes diapers, bedtime, sweeps, mops, vacuums, folds laundry,  scoops poop, and even holds up backgrounds during newborn photo shoots.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Knitters Are Nice- Part 1

Blanket from Annelena, Newborn Cap from Marlene

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I better get on this. It's almost midafternoon and I'm behind on "My Kids are Cuter Than Yours and My Husband Much More Romantic" Day.

They say you understand your mother a little better as you become one. In my case, I'm going to go with ""

My mom was a young mom. At my age she was a few years past delivering her last baby. There are five of us and five years between myself and my youngest sister. When I look back at the pictures there we are in matching handmade dresses. There were Halloween costumes, whole wheat bread, and school projects, and crafts, and toole painted puzzles, and cookie jar lids, and...and...and...

And at 11:20 p.m. I looked at the bits of shredded paper and glitter strewn across my kitchen and I did not understand my mother at all. I don't know how she did it. I really don't. But I'm glad she did.

Happy Birthday Mom, Grami, and Head Toucan!

I know you asked for pictures. Even baited me with a contest with Goose, but it took us like six hours to make the Valentine's. So, I do have fifty pictures. They are just fifty pictures of practically the same thing- only a different colored crayon or change in scissor position. And not even that different. Light pink alternating with dark pink and pink glitter. Your other grandaughter stayed in pretty much the same position the whole time.

Sunday, February 12, 2012


The days directly following a new baby are the best. And I'm thinking, "How long can I milk this?"

Shower- maybe
Dress- optional
Take pictures- You're a rockstar!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012


The night before Juju was born I let the kids decorate the Everything Tree and morph it into our Valentine's shrine. Then we dipped chocolate strawberries and watched Porkchop make a mess with the tinsel by stuffing it into the empty green strawberry containers. The pictures are lame but I won't ever delete them. It was one of those moments where I stood in my kitchen and was truly and completely happy. They rank up there with the horrible pictures of dyeing Easter eggs the first time with Dad.

There have been tears and meltdowns from being overtired the last two days from both kids, plus they both have a cold, but for the most part they are so happy. I need to remember to tell Scrunch how proud I am of her. She has been so sweet and helpful. And Porkchop turned into a little boy overnight. Scrunch was especially proud of herself this morning when she thought she was so punny and told me that Juju was 'Beary Sweet!' and Porkchop on seeing her bear outfit just growled at her and calls her "Beeebeee Juu-juu".

I'm not betting on any hot dates, chocolate, or even flowers (because that would mean someone would have to leave the house), but this might be the best Valentine's Day weekend we've ever spent together.

Friday, February 10, 2012

There will be no living with her.

Scrunch was right.

She never doubted.

It was a girl. And her name is Juliette. She's already been dubbed Juju.

February 10 
7lbs. 11 oz

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


I'm never blogging again.

I jinxed myself.

And if Holly is right, I'm screwed till at least the end of next week.

The public posting of my to-do lists was totally working for me! If I didn't finish I felt like a public flogging  would be handed down as a sentence. I'd get thirteen texts about whether I finished this or that or how this project or that project was coming along. The pressure was on! Flogging by blogging.(Does that even make sense?) So I open my trap and how many of the things on my list yesterday got accomplished? A big fat, fatty ZERO! Especially the last one.

I especially did not have a baby yesterday.

You'd know by now.

But I did console myself with a trip to Goodwill and scored a table with a leaf and four chairs for twenty seven dollars! It was the Goodwill Gods throwing me a bone. I bit. I am appeased. For now.

It needed to be good because the last prayer, ok bargain, I uttered was something about "I will wrestle Porkchop through Sacrament in something besides my husband's pajama pants if I can go into labor today." I freaken' put boots on and jewelry and everything!

And every day since then it's been something like that..."I will try to not be snarky and sarcastic when the forty-thousandth stranger asks me what I'm having if I can just go into labor today." (Why do they even care?) "I will not scream "GO AWAY!" every time my phone rings or I get a text just because I'm a beastie. Can I please, please go into labor today?" (Though I do appreciate it and know it's because you guys are nicer than I am.) "I will not bitch-slap strangers who randomly reach for my abdomen. Can I please, please, please just go into labor today?" (Dude!?! What is up with that?!?!) "I will be a kinder, gentler soul in general if I can just please, for the love, GO INTO LABOR TODAY!!!!"

It is now Wednesday and I'm running out of things to offer. I could give back the table and chairs, but nu-uh. No way. Not happening. I don't care how ugly you're going to think they are. I love them and I don't care if I stay pregnant forever.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I thought I was going to have a baby last Tuesday. So I dropped Scrunch off at school, texted my midwives, and Porkchop stayed with Papa while I went to walk around Home Depot. I looked at paint swatches, and plants, and even bathroom fixtures. I hemmed and hawed over my paint color and got the lumber I needed cut. An hour into my trip things were cookin'. Then when my two hours were up, everything stopped. And I've felt awesome all week. Like not even pregnant awesome- minus the wrecking ball strapped to my front.

Of course I got annoyed because as much as I believe babies come when they are ready, I'm ready. So come on already! Let's get this show on the road!

I  tore up two of the four garden beds that afternoon and we planted our bulbs. I got my fruit bin back once the bulbs were gone so I cleaned out part of the fridge. I had Husband screw the desk together. It's been primed, painted, and even put the knobs on. We made lotion. I've been making my laundry and dishwasher detergent. I finally added the ribbon to the roman shades in the family room. The teeniest of baby butt diapers are washed and look so cute all folded up and waiting to be crapped in. I've re-arranged furniture three, maybe four, times. The grout in the kitchen is a little whiter.

I went to knit night and was overwhelmed by the generosity and kindness of some friends. Holy cute! In full disclosure I had four cake pops. Two boys and two girls. Cheri said whatever were left were the number of kids I was going to have. She just didn't want to take them home. They are sinfully delicious.  Even for breakfast.

Something in the relationship between my children clicked this week and they have played, and played, and played together all afternoon for days straight. And by played I mean Scrunch bosses Porkchop around and he follows her around like a pathetic puppy. "C'mon Erick! We have a job to do!" is what she tells him. "No, no, no! You have to call me 'Your Majesty!'" It's very cute and sweet and been selfishly nice for me to not have anyone touching me! For if Porkchop could turn us both into kangaroos right now he'd climb back into my pouch and stay until he was thirty-three. Do you know what a little boy's first heartbreak looks like? Stick around a few more days. Weeks?

I caught up with an old friend from High School that I didn't know lived in the area. Who knew Facebook served a purpose other than heckling my Dad and watching videos of my nephew over, and over, and over? Our kids played at the park and shared snacks. A win!

Today I would like to clean out the easel, modge podge some containers, vacuum the car while Scrunch is at school, cast something on, and have a baby.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Scrunch had a birthday.

While my parents were here for Scrunch's birthday, I happened to mention that maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't let her think she should get everything she asks for and that the world does not revolve entirely around her. To this my dad responded with a, "Why? We still let you believe it." What could I say as I was busy stuffing my face with a piece of Hummingbird Cake that had been carefully, and lovingly packaged for the 300mile trip, just as requested? How do you argue with that?

In short...she got her PINK strawberry cupcakes, pink ponies, a special date with Mom, Papa, and Porkchop, PINK balloons. And no birthday is complete around here without PINK strawberry milk and donuts. Waffles. Bacon. For the love! Do not forget the bacon. Books, Princess gowns, and probably the thing I wish I had the most pictures of but don't have a single one, she got Gramps to pretend to be the Beast.

Checking out the goods under the birthday tree. (Next month it will be the Valentine's Day Tree, and then the Easter Tree, etc, etc. We call it our everything tree.)

How convenient that her birthday fell on the same day as school and the day Papa was the parent volunteer. She thought the whole day at pre-school was her party. We printed up the baggies for her to take carmel popcorn to share.

 Birfday, Shmirfday! Get me another orange!

But ice cream is better! I don't even care who's birthday it is.

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