Wednesday, February 8, 2012


I'm never blogging again.

I jinxed myself.

And if Holly is right, I'm screwed till at least the end of next week.

The public posting of my to-do lists was totally working for me! If I didn't finish I felt like a public flogging  would be handed down as a sentence. I'd get thirteen texts about whether I finished this or that or how this project or that project was coming along. The pressure was on! Flogging by blogging.(Does that even make sense?) So I open my trap and how many of the things on my list yesterday got accomplished? A big fat, fatty ZERO! Especially the last one.

I especially did not have a baby yesterday.

You'd know by now.

But I did console myself with a trip to Goodwill and scored a table with a leaf and four chairs for twenty seven dollars! It was the Goodwill Gods throwing me a bone. I bit. I am appeased. For now.

It needed to be good because the last prayer, ok bargain, I uttered was something about "I will wrestle Porkchop through Sacrament in something besides my husband's pajama pants if I can go into labor today." I freaken' put boots on and jewelry and everything!

And every day since then it's been something like that..."I will try to not be snarky and sarcastic when the forty-thousandth stranger asks me what I'm having if I can just go into labor today." (Why do they even care?) "I will not scream "GO AWAY!" every time my phone rings or I get a text just because I'm a beastie. Can I please, please go into labor today?" (Though I do appreciate it and know it's because you guys are nicer than I am.) "I will not bitch-slap strangers who randomly reach for my abdomen. Can I please, please, please just go into labor today?" (Dude!?! What is up with that?!?!) "I will be a kinder, gentler soul in general if I can just please, for the love, GO INTO LABOR TODAY!!!!"

It is now Wednesday and I'm running out of things to offer. I could give back the table and chairs, but nu-uh. No way. Not happening. I don't care how ugly you're going to think they are. I love them and I don't care if I stay pregnant forever.


Erica said...

Maybe if you sent Derrick his baby (Ani) you would pop JuJu out. ;-) Yes he does refer to Ani as his baby. I blame you.

Miquela said...

I actually want to see you bitch slap a complete stranger. That would totally make my day.

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