Legitimately Busy

This is what I did today.





There are about a hundred tutorials for making DIY Baby Legs. So just Google it and I won't have to link it.

I'm almost done with Scrunch's dress for our family pictures later this week. I cast on a toddler version of Liesl. And I got a sliver in my foot.

Excuses, excuses.

Some people manage to get away without blogging for weeks, even months. I'm gone for two days and I get the text, "why haven't you blogged?" "Busy" was my response. It was a lie. Not that it worked anyway.

But if you don't believe me, maybe you'll believe Dr. Phil. Anyone else notice that Dr. Phil is only a slightly more classy Jerry Springer? Slightly. If you never watched at least part of an episode of Jerry Springer and were not totally entertained then you're a liar. No one doesn't love five minutes of Jerry Springer. There's just something about 'HOLY CRAP I'M NOT NEARLY AS SCREWED UP AS THESE PEOPLE!' that does something for your psyche.

Anyway, I happened to catch five minutes of Dr. Phil. a few weeks ago. In that five minutes the man said something that changed my life. I swear. "Taking care of a toddler is like trying to catch a spider monkey." No wonder the man is makin the big bucks. If I had a nickel for every time I thought that today, I would be raking it in too. Instead, I'm just now able to pause and catch my breath. Even spider monkeys sleep.

Love a Fair

Nothin' I love better than a good old fashioned Country Fair.

Commenting on Comments

• "Holy Crap! You have bangs!"

Way to go private eye! I almost thought about labeling the post 'She Bangs', but I thought maybe it would be a smidge over the line.

• "So you actually take (or are injected with) Hcg while you are trying to conceive? Does it give you pregnancy symptoms?"

In my case I took five days of Clomid cycle days 3-7 and schedule a 13 day vaginal ultrasound. At the ultrasound they measure the uterine lining and count eggs. If you have any and they are big enough you are injected with hCG trigger. "The hCG trigger injection is a medication known as a human chorionic gonadotropin and is used after other fertility hormones, such as clomiphene citrate or menotropins, to induce ovulation (release of the egg from the ovary) or in women undergoing an assisted reproductive technology (ART), to induce final maturation of the eggs. The dose used for the trigger is dependent on the body mass index of the female."

And no, women who carry uncomplicated pregnancies and are considered fertile have NOT cornered the market on pregnancy symptoms. I am acutely aware of morning sickness, breast tenderness, fatigue, and a myriad of other symptoms that come in the first trimester. I just don't have anything to show for them.

• "WTH?"

Holy Hell Holly I miss you! I'm three minutes from getting in the car and meeting you for lunch. We could do dinner at Sea World!?! You should get to cry yourself to sleep every once in awhile. We did for like weeks after you left. :)

• "To be honest I have never looked at adoption that way but it is so true. It really does not matter how our children come to us, they are our babies and they picked us to be their mommies.."

I appreciate the honesty. Most people don't see adoption that way. I wish more would. That's why I talk about it so much. If there is anything I'd like is to for adoption to be viewed as "normal" without a hint of stigma attached to it.

If there is anything I do it is make bows. Lots and lots of bows. You can make them too, but it's a slippery slope. Pretty soon you're late for appointments trying to get the bow ready and shop based on the colors of ribbon available.

And another thing!

Whether you like the haircut or not, you have to sleep with me. Twice.


Reason #427 infertility bites- Privacy and romance went straight out the window a while back.

I don't know why I can't make a normal face while taking a picture. That has nothing to do with infertility.

The Whole Truth

I don't really want to be pregnant. Really. I'd like to give birth, but mostly because I'm just curious- and want to see if I could do it. I'm totally and completely fulfilled with adoption. The only reason we even got on the crazy making roller coaster again is because doing a home inspection while buying a house is a little much. I don't recommend fertility meds either, but... whatever. I have the patience of a gastrotich. I don't even know how patient a gastrotich is (or what it even looks like), but they have the lifespan of three days, so it can't be much.

I needed to feel like I was doing something. So, what the hell. Throw some Clomid at it and a little Hcg for a boost. We are headed down the last hill of this roller coaster. Confirmed by the doc today we're at our limit. Without trying for the Major Leagues of fertility treatments- we're done. We have two shots left. Both on my right ovary. Honestly, I'm a little relieved. And a little irritated. And a lot confused. With all that modern medicine has to offer there are no more answers today than there were months and months ago. There is no substantial medical reason for us not to conceive. Unless the reason isn't medical at all. But that's another post (or three or four or six).

What I'd really like is to feel completely satisfied with my Scrunch. It's not about not being satisfied, but the nagging and persistent feeling that we are not done. The feeling that we need to find our baby. A few years ago, some friends of ours called to tell us they were expecting their second child. They weren't planning on it and not entirely thrilled with the timing. Neither was I. It was one of the last times I cried when I found out someone was pregnant. I don't really enjoy hanging out with pregnant people, but I don't hate them either. Whether or not you conceive doesn't really affect me in the slightest. I just don't want to hear you bitch about it. I couldn't explain why it didn't bug me as much as you'd think it would, until a few weeks ago. I was talking to some other moms who had adopted and one shared her experience of being incredibly upset when a friend was placed with two babies only six weeks apart. They were still waiting for their first, and had been for a really long time. She said, "It just wasn't fair." That's when another mom piped up and said, "No, it's not fair. Those were her babies. But you don't want her babies. You want yours."

That's where I'm at today. I don't care where they come from, or what I have to do to get them here, or even how long I have to wait. I just want my babies. It chokes me up to say that out loud. My babies. That's exactly what our birth mom said to me the first time I met her, and our daughter. She turned her big 'ole belly towards me, reached out her hand and said, "Would you like to feel your baby?"

Dilemma

So, we moved. And now I'm meeting new people. And I'm afraid they might find and read my blog. See the dilemma? I'm an acquired taste. Don't judge by the blog people. Or do, and you'll quickly find that I don't give a flying fetch. And that I hate the word fetch. So if you're new and wondering...This is not a knitting blog, infertility blog, adoption blog, a family blog, a crafting blog, a whining/bitching/moaning blog, a cooking blog, or a what we've been up to blog. It is Z) all of the above.

So stick around, or don't.