Friday, November 6, 2009

Pet pet peeves

If you go to bed at 7:30 you can wake up at 4:30 and still have had nine hours of sleep, leaving you with ample time to contemplate (and blog) about the mysteries of life, and still have time to take a nap before anyone wakes up. Try it some time. It will give me something to read. Instead I shall pontificate my personal pet pet peeves. And alliterate. And in three days when again in my right mind read this and wonder if I was high on Scrunch's eucalyptus oil fumes, or just awake before five am.

There are two kinds of people in the world. Cat people and dog people. Further subdivided in the dog group you will find BIG dog people and little dog people. We happen to be BIG dog people. I don't hate cat people and I don't hate little dog people. But for a week the little dog people have fallen far below hamster and mice people. And I HATE hamsters and mice (their people might be okay.)

If you walk a St. Bernard into the grocery store, someone is bound to notice. I'll notice if you carry a chihuahua into a grocery store. Dogs, unless wearing an orange vest, DO NOT BELONG IN GROCERY STORES. I realize it's your baby, and they're cleaner than most people, but there is just something wrong, WRONG with it. I'm still not over the rude Costco employee poking my baby sling and harassing me about the puppy I was carrying, only the puppy wasn't a puppy. I had an actual sleeping child in the sling.

You might think it's cute that your bichon frise has a Cujo complex and runs across the lawn, snapping, and yapping at the heels of every passerby. It's not cute. If my dog did that I would likely have several claims against my home owner's insurance and be in litigation. It's not okay if they are 90 lb. Dobbie, and it's still not okay if they are a five pound powder puff.

Dog crap. A little crap vs. big crap. Well, I guess a little crap on the sidewalk is better than a load of crap, but how about no crap? As I watched someone this week let Muffin crap in front of Micheal's while someone walked by talking about how cute the little guy was. Seriously?

Weight restrictions. I have no problem, NONE WHAT SO EVER (actually that's a lie. I think it's dumb, but whatever) if an apartment or landlord wants to restrict dogs, but it needs to be all dogs. While I understand their intent, restricting certain sized breeds is a misinformed decision. Big dogs might have a bigger bark and might cause more destruction, but I've seen what an out of control rat terrier can do. Great Danes can be awesome apartment dogs and Greyhounds are 45 mph couch potatoes. Let me tell you how ticked (and obviously not over) the fact that BYU housing will allow a couple to cram way too many kids into their 500 sq. foot rabbit hutch, and I couldn't have a dog? Thus forever cementing in my mind BYU as the most anti-infertile place on the planet. Screw that. So we took our money elsewhere and lived in Extended Stay America for almost three months. Maybe not one of my most financially savvy stands, but I got my dog. And have you met Jedi? I'd still let him babysit over most c0-eds.

You thought doggie clothes were next, didn't you? Well, they're not. Even I can find the humor in dressing the little dudes up. I still want the t-shirt for Jedi that reads, "I forgot my pants." Why that is so funny escapes me. It just is.

So there. Now you know. If you're in the market for a pooch I'd prefer you get a real dog, like a German Shepherd or a Boxer, but a teacup is fine too. Mom, I totally think you should go for the German Shepherd.


mousemovie said...

Well, I suppose the last line is one way to land on the Big Crap list....

Goose said...

Amen. I'm still pushin for my great dane

Natster said...

:) clint now feels completely justified in purchasing 2 German Shepherds.
What crafts have you done as of late?

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