For as open and honest as I try to be on my blog, there are still those things I will likely never write about. They are either too raw to leave open for commentary, too personal to have spread about in thoughtless gossip, or just none of yer damn business. Until the dust settles it's going to seem (especially to me) that I'm just scratching the surface and covering the trivial when I write. I bring it up because there have been some glaringly obvious lessons I've learned and if I can prevent you from having to learn them the hard way, then I'll consider it a good deed I've done for the day.
There have been many times over the last several weeks that I've felt lonely, betrayed, plain pissed off, curious and questioning of my core beliefs...whatever. It's just been kinda h.a.r.d. Funny thing is that I've probably never seems more 'put together' either. My house is cleaner. I get showered, dressed, makeup on. Judge by looks and everything is fine. Better than fine even. Lesson- "Do not judge a book by it's cover." and "Be Kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard fight."
Several months ago I was fully consumed by the running of Crazytown. Taking care of your family and its accompanying responsibilities can be very isolating sometimes. I was kind of lonely so I prayed a silly, selfish prayer that God would send me a friend. And so maybe I prayed for my trials??? So I could better see the friends who were there all the time. Lesson- God is mindful of even our silliest prayers prayed while standing in the shower- the only quiet place you can hide out in.
I've never been so grateful for my eclectic and varied circle of friends who seem to know just what to say and when to say it. I've received funny texts, messages of support, generous gifts, encouragement, and even six packs of Dr. Pepper and ice cream. I love that I have a small and select group that will be even more pissed off than I am when wronged, who will say "I don't need to know the details, but you need to know that I love you", "I am thinking about you." Who will open themselves up and say, "I want to be your friend." Isn't it so ironic that most of them don't know ALL the gory details, don't need to, and didn't even think they were doing anything special? They were just 'being a friend'. It is very awesome and has made me feel rather special that I have people who are willing to risk arrest by offering to egg someone's house. I appreciate being able to share open, honest feelings about things I've read and even *gasp* feminism and our role in the LDS church. Others who will respectfully agree to disagree. Lesson- I need to be a better friend. If you are ever prompted to reach out, send a message, or just do something nice I vote times a thousand that you do it. You will probably never know how much it means, but do it anyway.
Honesty is the best policy. I kind of want to throw up in my mouth when I think of all the grief and trouble that could have been spared if more people practiced this principle with others. Holy crap! Am I grateful that my Mother taught me this principle and that I've tried to live it in my associations with people- and not just with those I thought could handle it. It can make for some unsettling and sometimes uncomfortable conversations but it has also saved my hide in ways you can't imagine. Tell the truth. Be honest in your dealings with your fellow man. Even if they don't like it and it makes you unpopular.
I was driving alone one day totally consumed in my thoughts and talking to myself like a crazy person. I will forever distinctly remember coming up over the hill and kind of sarcastically asking, "Is this what you wanted me to learn?!?!?" I received an almost audible, "Yes." followed by specific and comforting direction, answers to prayers. Lesson- Do not underestimate your capacity to receive personal revelation and spiritual guidance. As big or little as it may seem, expect to get answers to your questions. Ask them. It's trippy when they are answered.
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