Sharing

"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.

-M.F.K. Fisher

But most importantly don't let Mom see you.


This duo has all angles covered. That's Ani at the end of her outstretched hand.

The Ham and her hamburger.

My favorite animal is steak.

Morning Sickness

Oh, what a beautiful morning. It's a great day for morning sickness.

I'm sick.
It's the morning.
Therefore, morning sickness.

This is me.

Minus the blonde hair. Minus the ultra white robe. Mine is dingy grayish if I could find it. Not because it's dirty but because I probably washed it with a new pair of jeans. And minus the bun in the oven. But still. It's pretty close to me.

What did you think I was saying?
Oh.....sorry. Hate to disappoint.

Ha.

What a brat I am. I did it on purpose. I wrote the title of today's post knowing it would bring you here in order to investigate when you saw it on the blogs you're following. I crack myself up.

But I really am not feeling well. When I called work this morning and talked to my boss (who used to not be my boss, is my mentor and good friend) we had the following conversation.

I'm so nauseous I can't stay upright.

Miss Nancy (cuz that's what I call my new boss)- "You're not pregnant are you?"

It's not likely that I would stay that way. Even if I was.

Miss Nancy- I know. I'm sorry. I hope you stay sick.

It's twisted. On one hand you're so sick of being sick you want to die rather than look at the inside of the toilet again. But on the other you hope and pray it doesn't go away.

Miss Nancy- I hope you stay sick.

Me- Thanks. I think.

It's okay. You really do get used to looking at a negative test. I never thought I really was. I just think it's funny that you did. At least you did when you started reading this. I'm not. Maybe I'm twisted because I think that's so freakin' funny. Come on? Relax. It was funny. Lighten up. Some of you think it was funny. Just picture all my friends and family not being able to connect fast enough to find out if it was true. How long and how far could we get this rumor spread? That's a twisted and funny thought.

No. What's twisted is that if I smoked crack and my husband knocked me around a bit it would be morning sickness for sure, and not a just a mild case of the stomach flu.

Another quirk.

I have a very limited sense of smell. Can't hardly smell a thing. Weird huh? It makes me a little paranoid though because I do cloth diaper and have two dogs and a cat in a relatively small apartment. Because of that, I have the need for my home to smell like orange peel or Pine sol continuously. The orange peel gets ground in the disposal. I put lavender on the front door and if you find a glass or bowl somewhere filled with clear liquid but you know it's not yours, don't drink it. It's probably white vinegar.

This little quirk does come in handy though when you do what I do. If I can smell your wound, it is infected. Gross, but true. This afternoon I smelled the wound coming into the patients room and I almost tossed my cookies. All those cookies from yesterday's breakfast. I'm still recovering so you're still hearing about it. The sick feeling has lasted too long to have really been the cookies. I'm bummed about the possibility of a stomach bug, but relieved it's not the cookies. Have I mentioned I really, really like these cookies?

Learn something new every day.

Ya'll probably learned all kinds of stuff watching Conference that made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I had to work so I missed the good stuff. But I still learned something (besides picking up the southern drawl from a patient.)

Just because the box says 'organic' or 'all natural' does not mean you should eat half a box of chocolate Jo-jos for breakfast. Just thought you should know.

Just a mom?!?!?!

"I'm just a mom" I heard. My head jerked up and without thinking I emphatically exclaim,"You're not 'just a mom.' You're his mom!" She stopped at looked at me and did the woman blinking really fast so you don't cry thing. Did she hear me? Really, really hear and take it in? It is so important that she get this. She should know better.

It's not the first time I've heard a statement like this. Or felt this attitude of resentment radiate from a woman unhappy with her role of "just a stay at home mom". It makes me sad.

Look. I know it's hard. It's a lot of work. Tedious. Sometimes it seems pointless. I have felt it. What the hell did I do all day? Especially when the answer sometimes is just 'kept the kid alive'. I love days where the only things on the to-do list are 1.eat 2. sleep, and 3. keep the kid alive. Not necessarily in that order. Especially in contrast to a day like yesterday.

Earlier this week I heard Dr. Laura say "it's a sad, sad thing when the bad guys are fertile." I thought about that as I stood in line at the courthouse. The conversations I overheard were disturbing. And very, very sad. While it was a downer to hear these things it was also a testament to the unselfish sacrifice and choice that our birthmom made. I was so relieved and grateful as I held Little Miss close in her sling. Because while I know that most of our parenting is made up on the fly, and we're not perfect- there are things my daughter will never have to face.

For example-
Ten year old boy has been there all morning with mom and two little brothers and asks if they are almost done. Her (meaning Mom's response) "I've been married to this bastard way too long as it is. I'm not going to be for another day just because you're hungry."

Then the couple in front of us- f-this f-that while the new girlfriend helps the guy file a restraining order on the ex-girlfriend so they can get custody of his son in the hospital right now. That is if he's still in the hospital. They don't really know if he's still there. But while they are standing in line they get in a fight and cuss each other out and the chick spins around (who was quite a hefty girl) knocking Little Miss' book into her and almost knocking both of us over.

The ump-teen pregnant girls filing restraining orders. Scary.

There were lots. Lots of so called moms who didn't take their mom job very seriously. Or make it a priority. Lots of moms who weren't willing to do whatever it took especially if it meant sacrificing anything on their part to protect their kids. I found it kind of weird that the same line to file for adoption was the same line to file restraining orders and divorce papers. To me, they are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum.

I wish more stay at home perfectly fertile moms who live in their bubbles and whine could stand in those lines sometimes. You might learn something. Like how being "just a mom" makes all the difference. Because you're not just a mom. You're somebody's mom.

Government run public agencies are a pain in the butt.

Hate the DMV? Try California Superior Family Court. It'll make you wish for the lovely line at the DMV any day.

Maybe I'm a little cranky from standing here and being asked idiotic questions that somehow make me feel like I'm the idiot, but I'm really not going to make my kid say hi and wave to every person who coos at her in line. Does that make me ornery? Unfriendly?

While I appreciate that you appreciate the cuteness of my kid, that doesn't necessarily mean I want to drum up conversation with you and be your new best friend. I will smile politely as you tell me how cute she is and thank you graciously for your compliments on the well behaved nature of my eight month old. But I'm not sure I want my kid to be oober friendly to random strangers wearing funny black ankle bracelets. If you know what I mean. You know the kind that beep and are for house arrest you see in all the movies. They exist.

We'll be back again today for the second time this week. Hopefully with the right forms to begin with, right signatures, right number of copies. No offense, but black ankle bracelet lady behind us, I hope you're not. You kind of scare me. Even if you play an awesome game of peek-a-boo.

Setting a World Record

I left my blow dryer at my mom's last month. Since it is not the first time I have done that, I'm refusing to buy another one. They'll be here in a couple of weeks and I think I can hold out until then. In the mean time we are setting the world record for Consecutive Crappy Hair Days and resorting to last ditch efforts to seem somewhat presentable.


Little Miss is helping by making sure we at least have gleaming whites. She has this thing about teeth. She's constantly having me open my mouth so she can look at them. I don't get it. Now when she sees me brushing she wants to brush too. Maybe she'll be a dentist. That would be cool -someone to support me in my old age. Can't you just see it? It's not hard to imagine what with the curlers and all.