Friday, October 3, 2008

Just a mom?!?!?!

"I'm just a mom" I heard. My head jerked up and without thinking I emphatically exclaim,"You're not 'just a mom.' You're his mom!" She stopped at looked at me and did the woman blinking really fast so you don't cry thing. Did she hear me? Really, really hear and take it in? It is so important that she get this. She should know better.

It's not the first time I've heard a statement like this. Or felt this attitude of resentment radiate from a woman unhappy with her role of "just a stay at home mom". It makes me sad.

Look. I know it's hard. It's a lot of work. Tedious. Sometimes it seems pointless. I have felt it. What the hell did I do all day? Especially when the answer sometimes is just 'kept the kid alive'. I love days where the only things on the to-do list are 2. sleep, and 3. keep the kid alive. Not necessarily in that order. Especially in contrast to a day like yesterday.

Earlier this week I heard Dr. Laura say "it's a sad, sad thing when the bad guys are fertile." I thought about that as I stood in line at the courthouse. The conversations I overheard were disturbing. And very, very sad. While it was a downer to hear these things it was also a testament to the unselfish sacrifice and choice that our birthmom made. I was so relieved and grateful as I held Little Miss close in her sling. Because while I know that most of our parenting is made up on the fly, and we're not perfect- there are things my daughter will never have to face.

For example-
Ten year old boy has been there all morning with mom and two little brothers and asks if they are almost done. Her (meaning Mom's response) "I've been married to this bastard way too long as it is. I'm not going to be for another day just because you're hungry."

Then the couple in front of us- f-this f-that while the new girlfriend helps the guy file a restraining order on the ex-girlfriend so they can get custody of his son in the hospital right now. That is if he's still in the hospital. They don't really know if he's still there. But while they are standing in line they get in a fight and cuss each other out and the chick spins around (who was quite a hefty girl) knocking Little Miss' book into her and almost knocking both of us over.

The ump-teen pregnant girls filing restraining orders. Scary.

There were lots. Lots of so called moms who didn't take their mom job very seriously. Or make it a priority. Lots of moms who weren't willing to do whatever it took especially if it meant sacrificing anything on their part to protect their kids. I found it kind of weird that the same line to file for adoption was the same line to file restraining orders and divorce papers. To me, they are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum.

I wish more stay at home perfectly fertile moms who live in their bubbles and whine could stand in those lines sometimes. You might learn something. Like how being "just a mom" makes all the difference. Because you're not just a mom. You're somebody's mom.


Shara Libby said...

Sad isn't it that so many people in this world take these little angels lives for granted? I am sick of being at home yes and i need a vacation badly but still i can't help but want the boys to sleep in my bed every night so i can hold them and smell them and kiss their heads while i whisper i love you into their ears while they sleep. how can anyone especially a mother not adore their kids like i do? i don't understand and it's so sad to see that some kids are just not loved the way they deserve to be. As cliche as it may sound all you can do is pray for them. Pray that despite their situation they know that god loves them regardless you know?

John said...

I am so glad that you are my wife. You really get it.

I love you and thank you for being such a great mom to our beautiful little miss!

Holly said...

ok i got teary on that post. amen.

Casey said...

Thanks for this post...and the reminder of what's important and why! It's always good to have a reality check.

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