Mission Accomplished

To-do list completed. I even managed to go grocery shopping and have a visit from Naomi and the kiddos. My house was a complete disaster. From now on vacuuming will be first on the list and done first thing in the morning. While they were here Bryson insisted that I learn how to tie a baby wrap so I could carry Kathryn when I babysit. He's such a funny kid. Now I can spend the rest of the day knitting. Yay!

To Do Lists

The secret to a to-do list is to keep it short. I have the habit of making super long lists and coming up with things to do that don't even need doing just to create a list. It gets to the point where making a to-do list gets put on the to-do list. I've discovered that if you make them short they get done. Usually it's only a few things that really need doing anyway.

Today's list:
1. Vacuum
2. Clean the kitchen
3. Finish the ribbing on Anais top (from Power of 10)
4. 2 loads of laundry to fold
5. Make Pumpkin soup

La DeeDa

La DeeDa, that's how I've gone through the last few days. I've been keeping busy doing everything except the dishes and vacuuming which desperately needs to get done.

I don't know what I would do without the IFC, that's the Infertile Club. They are two friends (Yes, I have friends. That joke is so old.) We are all in the medical field and all share the fact that we are childless and LDS. We have probably too much in common. We even joke about writing a book. They are fabulous! Last night it donned on me that we are a combination of the Ya-ya Sisterhood and cast of Steel Magnolias, only younger. Today at breakfast I had to ask if maybe we were always going to be "bitchy". Of course we don't think we are; blame it on the hormones. It's the Clomid talking! Anyway, they are just great. They are the kind of friends who don't ask if there is something they can do for you, they come over and cry with you. There is no faking it with them. They get it, they have been there.

Today we had breakfast and then I babysat for another friend who has three of the cutest kiddos. She is a Saint and one of the only pregnant people I didn't hate while she was pregnant. I even attended the birth of the last munchkin. At least I was there for the delivery of the placenta. It was hilarious! I sped home from Dixon in 35min which is usually an hour drive trying to make it. I came in just after she had delivered when her three year old comes to the top of the stairs and yells, "Hurry Yunet, we're waiting for the placenta." This is the same kid that explained to me that "the yucky stuff is called vernix." This was six months ago, so the little one is getting big enough to be left home for a few hours at a time which means I get to come over and play.

So that's how I spent the day, breakfast with the Ya-ya's and babysitting. Mutual topped if off and now we're going to watch a movie we started watching yesterday. I made John turn it off yesterday when it got scary, but now I don't know if the serial killer is really the killer or not and if he was ever caught. If I'm ever going to sleep again without having to fall asleep on the couch then I guess we have to finish it. I'll just peek through my fingers during the really scary parts. I should have figured. The title is Disturbia. I'm not sure what we expected.

Be Tough

When I was little, if one of my sisters or I fell we were told to "be tough." There weren't a lot of tears, it was just "be tough." And it wasn't just if we were hurt. If we were on "high adventure" and were scared it was, "be tough". And we were. We were some of the "toughest" little girls you've ever seen. It didn't come so much from Mom as it did from Dave. Not that there was anything wrong with it, or that it scarred us or anything. But I think that it definitely shaped an attitude of "toughness" in all of us. I have always been "fine" when asked if I was okay, even when I clearly wasn't. This morning when Mom asked if I was okay of course I responded "fine" and when she said, "you know it's okay to cry?" I thought, "since when?" But I should explain.

We have been in contact with a birthmom and her family. Lots of phone calls and e-mails have gone back and forth between us, them, attorneys, facilitators, etc. We knew from the beginning the situation would be difficult and that it would most likely end in family court, but in the end we had to make the decision to back off. There was still a small chance that the birth father could have a change of heart and there has always been of the possibility of CPS getting involved. But no luck.

Malea Ray was born on Friday around noon. It sounds pretty, but I don't like it. It means "uncertain" in Hebrew. She was scheduled for a C-section due to some complications, but she wouldn't have it. Luckily, she was caught by a nurse after a few hard contractions before they could make it to the delivery room. She was 6lbs 7oz and 18" long. I got this information after I couldn't stand it anymore and had to call Fran. (Fran is the grandma and a saint.) I had to know if she was okay. She is in the NICU for observation, but she will be okay. I had to ask if she had lots of hair, and she does. Lots of black curly hair. I bet she's beautiful. I've dreamed about this little girl. She even has a name. But I'm not her mommy. It was close, but not this time.

Friday I cleaned out the car, installed the carseat, and packed a diaper bag just in case. I got a message from Inez (a her0!) from Chicks in Crisis, and when later in the afternoon I didn't get a call, I drove to Elk Grove to deliver some diapers and other things this organization needs to kill some time. Yesterday we went to Lake Tahoe for the day with some friends to kill more time. And this morning, I broke down and made the call. She was born. The dad was on his best behavior while at the hospital and our mom will probably be discharged today. But at least I know she is okay. At least for now. I will spare you the yucky details, but trust me when I say it breaks my heart to think of this little girl being raised in this family. The best we can do now is pray for her safety and pray that she can be the catalyst for change in these people's lives. I'm going to leave the carseat and diaper bag in the back seat for a few more days just in case. CPS will be doing an investigation and there is still a small sliver of hope that they will think beyond the definition of the law and do what is right by this little girl.

Through all of this I don't know if I can say I've learned any more or what the purpose is, but I know the same two things I've always known. #1. There is a God #2. I'm not Him. In the mean time, I'll "be tough". Just please don't ask me if I'm okay.

оставьте меня в покое

Russian for "leave me alone!" Nice, huh? One of the nurses I work with has been teaching me Russian phrases. I can also say "I don't speak Russian" "You're making dinner" and a few others. Nothing too helpful but she cracks up every time I say something. It makes work more fun when you work with fun people. Today was my last day as unit manager. Yay! I have attempted nursing management once more, and again have decided that it is not for me. Salary in nursing = sucker! I will be staying with the same facility in an on-call position. This will work well if something in our home life changes (aka mommyhood) but also gives me the flexibility to have the holidays off! Double Yay!

Power of 10

My mom got this theory in one of her quilting newsletters. The theory is that when you work on a project you tend to get bored after awhile and then move on to the next project without ever finishing the first one. (I tend to be a little more neurotic and work on a project until I'm done, but it sometimes takes the fun out of it.) The recommendation is that you pick ten projects and then work on a project for no more than three hours and then move on the to the next one. You keep rotating through the ten projects until you complete them and move new ones into their place. This way you finish things without getting bored.

So I'm going to try it. I'll keep a list of what I'm working on.

#1 Anais top (knit)
#2. Turning 20 Quilt with Amy Butler fabrics

#3. Suede Baby Booties (knit)


#4. "D" is for Dog (cross stitch)


#5. Quick to Knit Plymouth Toddler Jacket


#6. Beginner Lace Wrap (knit)


#7. "Hope and Flowers" cross stitch


#8. John's BYU quilt

#9. Margarite's Quilt

#10. Hemstitched Crochet Edge baby blankets (Only two more left!)

Catching Up!

One week into this and I'm already breaking "the rules of blogging" and not writing every day. Don't worry though! Our lives are mostly boring and you're not going to miss anything.

Yesterday was college football day which means John watches the games on-line on one computer and the stats for the other games he can't watch on his laptop sitting next to him. This goes on for about six to eight hours each Saturday unless he's got some Scout thing or Eagle project going on. Most wives hate football season, but not me. So long as he keeps the fireplace going I can read or sew or knit all day long and he doesn't notice. Even better is that I can go shopping and be gone for hours at a time and he's not going to say a single word about it.

Since I'm not working as much these days (by my choice), I've curbed some of my shopping habits (at least yesterday) and spent the day reading. I finished two books on my current list. Midwives and the Breath, Memories one. Midwives was good, the other one not so much. When I read on the couch Ani and Jedi have to read with me (mostly because it is warm in front of the fireplace) but it sure makes cute pictures (I'll post these later today).

Irashaimase

We went for sushi tonight with our friends Angela and Dave. I'm now experiencing the "full" feeling that leaves you completely useless. You're to tired to do anything and too sick to move. The sushi was awesome, but I think if I had one more piece it would hit the gag reflex at the back of my throat and that would be the end of me- I'd never eat sushi again. And since I'm too tired to think about anything but how full I'm feeling, this is going to be a pretty boring blog. I read an article on successful blogging and one of it's "requirements", not recommendations, was that you had to blog every day. So here you go, done for the day.

The Patron Saint of Miracles

OK, so I don't usually share my personal business with a lot of people, but at this point I kind of figure...oh what the heck? I've had an HSG and a homestudy done. If you don't know what an HSG is... think yearly woman physical but ten times worse. Get the picture?

Anyway, long story short goes like this. There is a birthmom who is carrying a baby (duh) who has chosen us as a couple. We would love to parent this child and this woman would like us to. Problem is the birth father has made it very clear that he does not want this child placed. Because of the legal situation and all of its implications, he has a say (even if it goes against what everyone else knows to be best for this child). So without a complete change of heart or him being struck down, this is not looking good. So if you pray, have faith, chant, light candles, have extremely good karma, or whatever it is you do, please pray for this child to come be a part of our family. A gal at work asked if it would be okay with me if she prayed to St. Jude who apparently is the patron saint of miracles. I told her "of course". I believe that ultimately it all goes the same place and we could really use a miracle. In the mean time, we will be praying to Heavenly Father to bless this little girl with a family and we continue to hope that it can be us.

Letter to an Angel

Dear Birth Mommy and Daddy,

We don’t even know where to begin, but would like to share a recent experience with you. Recently we got to watch and be there as a close friend gave birth at home to a baby girl. It was an amazing and special experience to be there as a baby came into this world. There were two things that struck us. One was the instant bond that was there between mommy and her new little girl. Although the cord had been cut, there was a bond that would never be severed. You could feel in the air the love and connection that these two beings shared for nine months as this child grew inside her, and yet, at the same time there was another overwhelming feeling. A feeling of love and joy that we’d never experienced, and then we knew that when the time was right, we could love and care for a child as if it had been our own.

What you are going through and what you will continue to go through is an amazing act of sacrifice and love. We recognize that there will be times when you will ache for this child. You hold a bond that is special that can never be taken away. You are like an angel bringing this child to earth. Thank you for the trust that you place in us.

Just to tell you a little about us…John and I are both the oldest of families with three younger sisters. John was raised in Utah with his sister by his mom and then when he was nine she married Tom, his dad, and had two more little girls. They then moved to California to build a new life! Yannette was raised with three little sisters all very close in age and then at 12 her parents divorced. When her mom married her Dad, they also moved to California to build a new life! California has always been a special place to us because in our experience it is where our families were born. We are excited to be back in California now ready to build a family of our own.

We wish that we could tell you that our lives are grand and exciting and that we’re world travelers, but it’s really not the case. We are mostly ordinary…but good. We work hard, play hard, and like to have fun. John is an engineer and Yannette is a nurse. When the time comes to be a mommy, Yannette will stay home full time. We have two dogs and a cat. Yannette loves animals, and when the babies are older she would love to have a parrot. John loves camping and fishing. We live in a beautiful town where we are very close to the mountains. Last weekend we took the dogs and hiked to some waterfalls. Although we love to be active we also enjoy a great day at home watching a Lord of the Rings marathon or any other corny chick flick Yannette can convince John to sit through. Yannette has a hard time sitting still so she is always working on some knitting, crocheting, or quilting project. She has even been spotted knitting in the car and in the movie theater. John loves to read and to learn anything and everything. His dream day would be to watch the Discovery or the History channel all day long, then go for a hike to watch the sun set. We’re both up to learning new things whether it be tennis, golf, surfing, kayaking, or snowboarding. If it’s outside it’s worth a try and Yannette is even trying her hand at gardening. She is starting out slow but so far all three plants are still green and flowering.

We are so excited to get to know you. You will always hold a special place in our family for the example of love and sacrifice you have demonstrated by loving a child enough to want the very best for him/her. If you are as excited to get to know us better, we are never more than a phone call or e-mail away.

Love,

John and Yannette

Blogging like a rap song.

Summer 06

So if I were to write a blog like a rap song, this is what we’d have.

What the ****. We were ******* the ***** car. ***** pimpin my *** for ***** ***** cops. Bust up my *****. Kill **** the ***** what a ***** he ***** the. Yeah **** homeboy **** ***** ***** ****.

Did you all get that? Embarrassing isn’t it? They make millions writing this crap.

Rated PG for language...

May 16, 2007

“Don’t be cheesy”, they say. “Just be yourself” If you ask me, the whole thing is a crock. I’m still hung up on the fact that a crack whore with five kids, #6 on the way while on Medicaid is single-handedly multiplying and replenishing the earth meanwhile well adjusted financially stable (did I mention married) couples count the days until they are “paper pregnant.” Forget ovulation kits, we are now at the point of counting days until we become as they say, paper pregnant, meaning bureaucratic bullshit signatures are out of the way. Do I sound bitter? Forgive me for the lack of understanding. I just plain don’t understand how there are babies that need parents, parents that need babies and we’re still three months out because the FBI needs to screen my fingerprints. Why don’t they just call up American Express? Trust me; I’m sure they know more about me that I know about myself, in fact, how about Google? - Same info, one millionth the time.

But back to the subject at hand, the home study. Our home inspection was today which puts us one step closer, but me in a really bad mood. I was expecting to be entirely done today and be officially “paper pregnant.” The first call this morning from our social worker saying they lost our check was annoying, but fixable. The fact that nobody bothered to mention the extra finger prints needed because we lived out of state the last two years is what really ticked me off. Hellooo….I’m adopting a baby… you know about the intimacy of my marriage relations, how I feel about my infertility, and the dirt on my entire extended family and you just realized I just moved here! How about listening skills? Shouldn’t that be a part of the schooling for those providing counseling? So we’ve rolled our fingerprints for the third time and we’re now two months out from being able to receive approval. To those of you who are reading this and thinking “what’s the big deal? It’s only two months”... You’re probably the same ignorant bastard who said I’d be pregnant if I had more faith.

Now is not the time for words of wisdom, encouragement, or insincere apologies. Now is the time for ice cream, chocolate, shrimp, avocados and any other food known to numb the bitchiness of womanhood. Ha! After that menu I sound more and more pregnant everyday!

Who has time to work?

July 25, 2006

Who has time to work?

Between laundry, lunch and dinner, quilting, knitting, and crocheting, who has time to work? Certainly not me. Not to mention the never ending cross-stitch project, unfinished borders to be placed on quilts, taming the beast (a.k.a. Jed), and emptying the kitty litter. Every once in a while I enjoy a good book, go for a walk, and plan a meal I never intend on cooking. Then there’s the usual grout-scrubbing in the bathroom, counter-bleaching in the kitchen, and vacuuming every surface to be found, whether vertical or horizontal.

On those rare occasions (ha!) when bills come due, it is time for me to place my projects aside and go to work. For eight, sometimes twelve, hours at a time, rather than a scrub brush, hook, or needle, I carry a syringe, medicine cup, and sometimes things even worse. I make a living (a pretty good one at that) by poking, prodding, and even making people cry all because “the doctor said so”. Then I am free to go back to surfing the internet for great vacations, planning nursery lessons that must last an eighteen-month-old’s attention span (be it 15 to 20 seconds), and sweeping off the back porch. That is until my eye catches a new leather arm-chair at Beck’s furniture. After all, it’s only an extra shift.

You want to know the real reason I love nursing? It’s because I certainly don’t have time to work.

Dear Friends and Family

Just a quick note to keep you all in the loop…

John and I have been married for four years and love being settled in California. I keep waiting for us to start feeling “grown up” but it seems that not much as changed over the last few years. I don’t think the really “grown up” feelings really start to kick in until you have something to measure your life against like a kindergartener’s first day of school, or a daughter’s first date, or when your baby leaves for college (sorry Mom, had to put it in there).

That being said, we don’t always have a choice or much control over the way family members enter our family, but John and I truly feel it’s time for us to be “grown ups” and even someone’s parents. So we are excited to be moving forward with the adoption process.

We have been approved through LDS family services and are at this point officially “waiting”. Since you all know me, and know that patience has not always been my virtue, I like to think of it more as “finding”. This means that our profile is available for a birth parent to choose for placement. Somewhere a birth parent is looking for us, and we are looking for a birthparent.

So why do you care? You may not. That’s fine. But on the other hand you might be really excited for us and possibly might play a role in helping us find our baby. Or you just might be curious about the whole process. At any rate, we thought you should know.

If you’re interested in viewing our profile it is available at…

www.ldsfamilyservices.org

Go to birth parent section, search profiles and our profile name is JohnandYannette.

We would love to hear any feedback or answer any questions you might have. Also, please feel free to forward our information on to any third party you might know to be interested.

We are very open and excited about the process. Thank you for all of your support and encouragement.

Love,

John and Yannette

Older never posted blog.

July 21, 2006

This is getting ridiculous… I used to think that people who dressed their dogs and referred to their pets as their “kids” needed “professional help” and was glad they lived in places like San Francisco or Santa Barbara. Now I am one of those people. It’s five o’clock in the morning and I’m awake worrying about a rash my dog has probably from rolling in something that I’m glad I can’t identify. He’s oblivious to my lack of sleep as he follows our cat Chevy from room to room and whining because I won’t let him in the kitchen.

Jed is short for Jedi and he is our nineteen week old blue Weimaraner puppy. (Another thing I though I’d never do… talk about age in terms of weeks. I mean really, people don’t care if it’s sixteen or nineteen; the dog is four months old.) But now it matters. It matters for training and it matters for shots.

Now it matters because I have to figure out how much vitamin E and zinc to add to his diet for five days. I also have to stock up on Avon Skin So Soft since apparently this helps with the rash. After an hours worth of research that’s what I’ve found. I’ve also found a holistic vet in Woodland which is only an hour and half away. Oh yes… we try to be holistic with him too. Weims are sensitive so we have to be careful what we put in him. Maybe it is good thing that this is our practice “kid”. Can you imagine what issues our human children are going to have? Not to mention how crazy I’m becoming because no matter how much I love him, and how smart, and funny, and cute he is, he is just a dog. (But we won’t tell him that).

Jumping on the blogging bandwagon.

I've never been one to do something just because everyone else was doing it. (Even if it actually was a good idea.) But you have to admit a good idea is a good idea, and not only is blogging a good idea, it is so cool! Who would have thought? I've become almost addicted at reading different blogs and reading people's responses. And these are people I've never even met. If the Ipod is providing a sound track to people's lives then blogging is definitely the narrative. I will be updating, explaining, elaborating, and ranting on all the subjects I find interesting and some aspects of our lives. Here and there I will most likely upload pictures as well. So here goes...I'm jumping on the blogging bandwagon.