May 16, 2007
“Don’t be cheesy”, they say. “Just be yourself” If you ask me, the whole thing is a crock. I’m still hung up on the fact that a crack whore with five kids, #6 on the way while on Medicaid is single-handedly multiplying and replenishing the earth meanwhile well adjusted financially stable (did I mention married) couples count the days until they are “paper pregnant.” Forget ovulation kits, we are now at the point of counting days until we become as they say, paper pregnant, meaning bureaucratic bullshit signatures are out of the way. Do I sound bitter? Forgive me for the lack of understanding. I just plain don’t understand how there are babies that need parents, parents that need babies and we’re still three months out because the FBI needs to screen my fingerprints. Why don’t they just call up American Express? Trust me; I’m sure they know more about me that I know about myself, in fact, how about Google? - Same info, one millionth the time.
But back to the subject at hand, the home study. Our home inspection was today which puts us one step closer, but me in a really bad mood. I was expecting to be entirely done today and be officially “paper pregnant.” The first call this morning from our social worker saying they lost our check was annoying, but fixable. The fact that nobody bothered to mention the extra finger prints needed because we lived out of state the last two years is what really ticked me off. Hellooo….I’m adopting a baby… you know about the intimacy of my marriage relations, how I feel about my infertility, and the dirt on my entire extended family and you just realized I just moved here! How about listening skills? Shouldn’t that be a part of the schooling for those providing counseling? So we’ve rolled our fingerprints for the third time and we’re now two months out from being able to receive approval. To those of you who are reading this and thinking “what’s the big deal? It’s only two months”... You’re probably the same ignorant bastard who said I’d be pregnant if I had more faith.
Now is not the time for words of wisdom, encouragement, or insincere apologies. Now is the time for ice cream, chocolate, shrimp, avocados and any other food known to numb the bitchiness of womanhood. Ha! After that menu I sound more and more pregnant everyday!