High Gear

There is nothing that strikes fear into the hearts of many like a TIT with a list in company mode. (And that's not a typo for twit. I'll explain later. My mom, sisters, and dad will get it. O.K. Almost all of the people who read this will get it. Aunt Marti, you can FB Miqui for an explanation if you just can't wait.)

So anyway, I'm blasting, BLASTING Roxette this morning. Toy Story 3 is on repeat, and I am armed with  my list and dangerous. My home visit from the midwives is tomorrow. And so is Scrunch's birthday, and my parents will be here on Friday. So here's what I've got...

Hoy-
15 minutes cleaning out the car (especially the middle seat) because the car seats are out.
Wash 3, THREE! carseats. Crazy. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. But I will turn one of them into a booster. My baby girl can be in a booster per the state of California and the National Institute of Highway Safety as of tomorrow. Boo! Sniff! Whatever.
This is going to tell me if the carseats will fit three across the middle. I've haul too much crap in the back to lose it to the third seat.
15 minutes in my closet. 27 thing fling. This will also tell me if there's room enough for a baby in there. Probably the quietest, safest spot in the house, so that's where it'll stay.
Bump the laundry up to 3, maybe 4, loads. Carseat covers, then whites, then the kids' bedding, and a
load of gender neutral baby clothes. Husband hauled the bins down from the attic this morning.
15 minutes in the kids' room.
Caulk the (new AND free to me) toy chest. This will make it so I can move it out of the middle of the kitchen floor.
15 minutes in the garage. Sweeping up the crumbs from the seats and loading the crap for Goodwill.
This should bring me to this afternoon.
Drop off at Goodwill on the way to Husband's work.
Swap cars and the kids.
Haircut and brows waxed.
Pick up flowers. She always gets flowers on her birthday.
Home Depot for grout cleaner and black spray paint.
Home again.
Caramel popcorn, print the birthday baggies, blow up balloons.
Work.
Schedule Email to Birthmom.
Sleep.

Tomorrow-
Up early for donuts and pink milk.
Drop K and Papa (the parent volunteer for the day! haha) off at preschool.
Crisis clean.
1030 Home visit.
Pick up Scrunch and Papa at noon.
Birthday Date
Home again.
Bedtime, Husband heads to Stake Training, and I will work.
Sleep.

Friday-
Fridge
Finish cleaning the grout
Clean sheets on guest bed.
Run through the house.
Vacuum.
By midafternoon my parents will show up (with strawberry cupcakes ???) and my house will be sparkly and we'll be out front planting bulbs in a skirt and pearls doing the parade wave while my kids don't fight over whose turn it is to go down the hill in the bike trailer.

I will collapse into bed. My parents will help roll me into a wheelbarrow haul my sorry butt to breakfast where I will feast on cinnamon rolls and Eggs Benedict.


A TIT with a list in company mode. Fear! Fear, I tell you!

Or maybe fear a 5'4", badass, highschool teach in heels.


Happy Birthday Goose!

Don't let the nickname Goose or the heels fool you. She can make gansta's cry. That's how we roll, us TITs.

Gender Neutral

Among the phrases I'd like a quarter for every time I have to hear is, "Oh, I forget... What are you having?"

And I say, "It's either a boy or a girl."

Up until about last week I was totally cool with not knowing. I was convinced it was a girl. Absolutely convinced. My sister even started calling her Juju.

And then it donned on me. What if it's a boy? Oh, crap. This could totally be a boy.

And I told Scrunch, "We will love it even if it's a boy."

And she said, "No, we won't."

And I said, "Yes we will!"

And we went on like this for about five minutes. And I still don't know why I even bothered to argue with my pre-schooler for anything more than a minute.

But now it's killing me!

So I Googled some boy names. I got nothin'.  Except the backups we didn't use for Porkchop.

But I'm betting it's a girl. And not just because I'm about three seconds from casting on these matching sweaters for Easter...

 Camilla Babe and Camilla Girl by Quinco & Co.

Loose Ends

I can only think in bullets. I have mom brain, or am tired, or suffer from Squirrel Syndrome. (Think Up)

• I can't be the only woman whose nesting involves glass etching cream. I'm not, right? There's just these projects that I've been meaning to get to, that I NEED to get to, that I haven't gotten to. And so that's what I'm working on. Stuff like re-painting the birthday tree, staging the hutch, and finding a good use for last year's Sunday School manual. I found it. It's now a wreath that smells like cinnamon, vanilla, and nutmeg. You'll see it. Later.

• I haven't taken any pictures lately. I waddle slower than my kids move so by the time I get the camera the moment is over and they are off on their next adventure. I've taken to just forgetting the camera, closing my eyes, and trying to sear the memory on my brain. My top three today were Porkchop lounging on the couch "reading" a chapter book with the most serious expression. Scrunch's face when she gave me thumbs up that I could leave during her first day as a Sunbeam. Scrunch's face again when I picked her up and she showed me her very first birthday present. And Scrunch yelling "Help me! Help me, Sir!" at Porkchop wearing his firehat.

• Scrunch's birthday is Thursday. She was given a choice and chose a date with Mom and Dad and her brother rather than a party. (Good girl.) And when I asked her what she'd like to do she responded with, "A rock wall." When I asked her what she wanted to eat..."Shrimp." (That's my girl!)

• I dream about my Valentine's Day present. Papa will go to my favorite sushi place and bring me two Blue Ravine Rolls and a side of edamame. He will then take the two older kids to the Children's Discovery Museum for a few hours while I lounge on my bed watching trashy t.v. and nursing a new baby and making myself sick on sushi. And then I will take a nap on my stomach!!! Ahhhh....

• The comments I've received this pregnancy have been classic. Last week I got, "I didn't know you were so far along. I just thought you were getting huge!" Which is funny because today at church I got two "I didn't even know you were pregnant"s. My personal and all time favorite though was from my parent's always drunk neighbor, who we love, Jay..."She looks like a python who swallowed a pig!"

• Tomorrow Porkchop has an audiogram scheduled. I'm anxious to see how they pull these things off with a child his age. How accurate can it be when he is going to deliberately do the opposite of what you just asked him to do and then scream "No!" just because he can?

• Last Sunday I was cool with the baby staying put for a minute. This week I'm totally fine with it falling out tonight or Tuesday. I don't want it dough-y in the middle and halfbaked, but man I'd sure like to have a lap again. So would my kids. But I have plans this weekend. My mom and dad are coming and we have a breakfast date on Saturday morning for waffles, cinnamon rolls, and California Eggs Benedict at my favorite breakfast place. Maybe early next week? Groundhog day? And if it's a boy we'll name him Phil.

2012 Resolutions Betty White Helped Me Write

“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding."

• Things to make me a better wife and mom...regular family dinner, read together more, sit down and play, regular family night.

"The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana!"

• I want to be better at remembering and acknowledging important people's birthdays.

"You gotta use everything you possibly can."

• Gotta stay within my grocery budget. Don't buy something unless I love it and would like to either look at it or wear it every day.

"I have a two-story house and a bad memory, so I’m up and down those stairs all the time. That’s my exercise."

• Need to get back down to my optimal weight for height.

"It is very silly. You've had such an overdose of me lately. I'm thinking of going away for a while."

• Going to read a book and knit a project per month.

"I've been the luckiest old broad on two feet to have all the jobs that I've had."

• Keep up the pace and keep working from home 12 hrs per week.

"Oh, I don't need sleep. I just went to my hotel and had a cold hot dog and a vodka on the rocks."

• Go to bed early, get up early. Get dressed to shoes. Damn that FLYlady, because it really works.

All the quotes have been attributed to Betty White.

No-nos no more!

The kids had been fed breakfast before I got up this morning. I was up too late working, but long enough to get the midnight reminder on my phone that today marks No More No-nos!! Like I needed the reminder. 

So, what does Husband feed the kids on his first day of freedom from gruel? Oatmeal. Of all the things he could have made them, oatmeal? Oatmeal!?!? Why don't you just give the poor kid Cream of Wheat after two weeks of nothing but mush? 

Don't worry, Mommy is giving him Doritos for lunch.

Time I get started.

Husband is actively involved in the day to day routine around here. He does bedtime and bakes the bread. We divide and conquer with the kids. I wash, he dries. You get the idea. 

This is only a problem when he is gone. 

The upside is that when he comes home I feel like my load has been lifted exponentially. It is magnified by the fact that the last two weeks have been nothing short of craptastic. Suddenly the day to day shlepping is not only bearable but a welcome break. 

Huzzah! Life is good again! 

L'chaim! (Cuz he was in Israel after all.) 

I feel like I have so much more time, so much more energy. This new baby might get something Made by Mom. If it's lucky and stays put for a minute.

Scrunch is very concerned about the fact that the baby is nekkid. It will need some blankets and stuff to cover it up. 

These are a few of the things I have in mind.

Chevron Chenille Blanket by Aesthetic Nest

Nursing Cover by Diary of a Quilter

Purlbee's Bulky Blanket

Button-up Baby Wrap on Ravelry

Mushroom Pulse Warmers modified by Stripesandpolkadots on Ravelry

Toadstool Rattle by Purlbee

Blackberry Salad Bobble Baby Blanket by Moogly

Random ...What day is it again?

We're eating soggy fishsticks and smoothies for dinner. Sick. But I'm running out of ideas and the inclination to make gourmet soups for my still pureed diet sucking toddler. He is so over it. He stands in front of the pantry screaming "MEEEE!!! EEEEEAAAT!!!!" I would have loved it had my kids been the ones who only eat Gogurts the last two weeks. But not so. They eat the peppercinis off a Subway sandwich. "Beef, it's what's for dinner" could be stenciled on a sign in my kitchen. They come by it naturally. Three more days!!! And we will eat, and eat, and eat until I start puking and have a baby.

I puked in labor last time. Have I mentioned that? It was very glamorous. My plastic bowl swaying on the waves of my heaving. I only thought of that because I watched the video of Porkchop's birth last week. I'm glad we have it, but I don't like watching it. It makes me really uncomfortable. And it's not even graphic.

I would not have made it through the week without the help of my Grandma. She's the only person I know nuts enough to volunteer for helping us out while Husband was gone.

Scrunch is a trooper. Someday I will buy us a pony.

Husband comes home tomorrow. Good thing. As of tomorrow I am 36(ish) weeks, and I could theoretically have this baby. I don't think I will though. I think it will be another couple of weeks. February 12th or 14th would be kind of funny since the 13th is my Mom's birthday. Scrunch was born the day after my sister and Porkchop the day before my Dad's. Let's go with the 12th because I think naming a Valentine's Day baby Juliette must be some kind of love curse.

Yes, if it's a girl we will probably name her Juliette. Scrunch has decreed it. And since neither of us hate it we've kind of let her go with it. If it's a boy we'll have to Google something because it has not crossed anyone's (especially Scrunch's) mind that it might possibly be a boy. Her exact words in response to, "What if it's a boy?" are "I don't want to talk about it."

If it's a boy we might have to name him Ezra, like my nephew. She really likes him. They have matching llamas and jammies.

Oh, and can you people not read? There were explicit instructions that if you were to check 'LMAO'  about those Grandma shoes I want, that you were to give me alternatives.

But if you were ever to listen to me, now is the time. Cross your fingers for us, would ya? We have some big plans in the works the next few weeks that I'm not as of yet at liberty to discuss. Like besides international business trips, surgery, dental implants, and a new baby. Besides that. Good stuff. Exciting stuff. But I can't say another word. Not a single word.

I don't care if I ever see "WOOOODY!!! MOOOOOVIE!!!" EVER again.

Cuz this is what's weighing on my mind right now...

Are these shoes too old lady?

I need shoes I can walk in every day, all day, with support. OK. I need old lady shoes.

Give me an "Amen" if you think I should buy them. A "LMAO" if you'd LYAO if you saw me wear these. Oh, but if you're going to LYAO at least give me some suggestions on what else to try.

When Porkchop's surgeon came in the room this afternoon and said, "I've just got to tell you...You are one good lookin' pregnant woman" I almost offered to make-out with him if he would just release Porkchop from the no-nos and puree a little early.

He didn't.

And I didn't.

Just thought my Husband would like to know.

One more week.

You so wish you were me right now.

36 week pregnant hormonal hippo. Check.
Pre-schooler with the stomach flu. The bouncing puke kind. Check.
Super active 18 month old with arm restraints and a pureed diet. Check.
Helpful Husband on the other side of the planet. Check.

I am looking forward to natural labor and a newborn as a bit of a vacation. I haven't blogged about it because I hope to block it out completely. I hope Porkchop does the same or I will have lots of years in the old folks home with my own restraints and pureed meals to look forward to. May all that remain be memories of smoothies. Lot and lots of smoothies.

Recap

I have deeply profound thoughts regarding my reflections on the past, and even greater ones as I think on the future.

Dear 2011,
WTH, yo!?! Didn't you just get here?

Dear 2012,
WTH, yo!?! Who let you in?

No, but really, 2011 is over?

Let's recap...

January-

Scrunch turned three.
Hairlines saw a significant improvement this year.



February-
We started on the backyard.


March-

After a long sabbatical, I got out the paint scrubs and started on the laundry room.

   

Porkchop had part of his soft palate closed...



My Mom officially gained the title of One Crazy MotherClucker!



April-
I stopped pumping. Can I get a "Woot, woot!!!!"

My Husband went to Jerusalem, I got down with my bad paintin' self (again), and Scrunch changed her name to 'Fern'.


May-

Porkchop turned 1!!
Finished the backyard.
Traveled SOLO to see my dear friend.



June-

Found out our family would be growing.



Husband did a training hike.
Spent a lot of time at the lake.
Found out that you should really pay attention and listen to all those signs in Yosemite about NO GAS!

July-

God Bless America!
Finished the kitchen (for now).



8 Years baby!  And he still knows what makes my heart go pitter-pat- Lowe's flooring sales.



August-

I turned 3 * 3 * 3!
It was hot and heavy. I was sick, sick, sick.
Ez-ah-wah!!!!!! My favorite nephew was born.



September-
Scrunch started pre-school. Giving Mama some time to work on a project of her own.





Husband walked, and walked, and walked like a little pioneer child completing 160 miles of the John Muir Trail in nine days!!

October-

I got less sick. Attempted my first world record.



Porkchop went in for a quick change of the old ear tubes.
And the whole family Mutated. Temporarily.



November-

Get to meet Ez-ah-wah IRL!! I proved my love to him by making cute owl cupcakes, banners, and balloons.
We ate, drank, and were merry with an entire houseful of our biggest fans.
We were grateful. Scrunch especially for getting to meet all the Princesses.

December-

Feels like it was just yesterday. Or two days ago.
The end. We partied parent style by putting the kids to bed vegetating in front of our laptops.

2012 is looking to be a bore. Um...not. This week Porkchop has surgery, Husband goes to Jerusalem, my grandma comes to stay, and in a few weeks we'll have three monkeys jumping on the bed.


Dear 2012,

P.S.

Bring it!!!

Love,
As always, the Mayor of Crazytown