Tuesday, February 26, 2013

My whole freakin' face hurts. Well, it's killing you? Wah, wah. Shut up inner thirteen year old pinhead, I'm serious. It really hurts. My sinuses are tender which covers the entire top half of my face. In a hurry the other day I stabbed myself in the eye with my mascara wand. Yes, they call me Grace. But now I have a puss pocket or a stye or something. At any rate the left eyelid is swollen as a result of my finesse or I need to stop lining my top lid with that new gel liner and probably stop watching stupid makeup application videos on YouTube when insomnia strikes. I'm also going to stop listening to my old bishop's wife. She's an older lady with amazing skin so I tried her regimen. Coconut oil. I have some of that. Lots of it in fact. Why not slather my face in it? I'll tell you why not. Because I can count the number of zits I had all through high school. I was blessed like that, but it didn't stop them from calling me Yanerd so don't be too jeal. So anyway, now I have three at the very same time halfway between my nose and top lip. They're the kind that are under the skin so you can't see them, but I know they are there because my face hurts every time I remind my kids to put their shoes on outside or wash their hands. It pretty much hurts all day long, at least forty seven times an hour. All my nose wiping from the sharing of previously mentioned influenza virus sharing has caused some major chaffing of which I am afraid to remedy with any moisturizer and most definitely NOT any more coconut oil. That crap is for making shrimp pad thai NOT your face.

Normally a completely vain and prideful woman, I might have considered all of this before telling the kids that they were welcome to take pictures with my old point and shoot camera. There's only one rule. Anyone you're taking a picture of has to know you're taking it and they have to have all of their clothes on. This should have covered my having to delete any more videos from my phone of me nursing Juju or getting dressed.

Imagine my surprise when the flash went off while I was sitting in the bathroom.

"Scrunch!!!"

"Don't worry Mommy, I'm only taking pictures of your face."

Great. Just great.

1 comment:

Ellie said...

Yanerd...heheheh.

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