You all think too highly of me. I said I sat in the Marie Callender's parking lot. The parking lot is as far as I got. And by public I meant the pediatrician and my Midwives. Not exactly a garden party.I love them both but one picks things stuffed up children's noses and the other has given me stitches where I wish to high heaven I never needed them. Not exactly high society.
True story. Directly following labor it became apparent that I needed to be patched up. I had just pushed a bowling ball through a straw, but stitches down there about sent me over the edge. I asked her if it was going to hurt and how many and on and on like a big 'ole baby. I told her this was only the second time in my life I'd ever had stitches and I was really nervous about it. She responded by telling me that it was probably the first time I had stitches anywhere close to that region. "Um...that's where you'd be wrong. Scar. Left cheek." The only other time I've had stitches was when I sat on scissors in the seventh grade and earned the nickname "Scar." I still hate Dirk Smedley.
So about labor...I watched the video of it. It was beautiful if I say so myself. But it was not glamorous or even pretty. It was downright a little scary. Blood and guts and stuff. And puking. Oh, one day I will have to tell you about the floating bowl, but in the mean time I have decided to keep my placenta private. It can be viewed within the walls of my own home by those who show genuine interest (and compassion) but it won't be posted on Internet. THIS is where you thank me.
I HAVE to blow dry my hair or it sticks plastered to my head. Even the "wash and wear" type cuts have to be blow dried or I look like a homeless pet. This does not make me a rockstar, this makes me un-lucky at leaving the house in less than thirty minutes.
I call him Porkchop because he always looks like he's lickin' his chops. All he does is eat, and eat, and eat. Huge blessing, but Dude!! Mommy's going to need a higher paying gig to get him through football practice.
I never, never, never in a million years thought I'd be okay with the thought of my son playing football, but if he keeps this growth curve up it is that or play Andre the Giant in the Princess Bride re-make. Scrunch can be Buttercup. Maybe I'll direct it.
Most of my days as of late have been spent like this (or pumping)...and I'm kind of loving it.
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