Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I make this up as I go along.

Someone (I don't know who) thought my last post was lame. I don't know what they thought was lame about it, but I have some ideas.

Lame because I should just shut up and enjoy every puking moment of the damndest most difficult job I've ever done? Oh, and I worked in a nursing home. Just so you know.

Lame because I should be grateful that I am pregnant at all? Yeah, cuz it's soooo easy to forget a failed adoption, five years of infertility, a parent to child sealing, and a homebirth to a baby with a little extra. Not saying I deserve this pregnancy, because God does not dole based on deserved-ness, but come on, like I could forget how I got here!

Lame because I am weaksauce and am tired with only 2.75 kids?

Lame because my grammar and spelling peaked in fourth grade?

Lame because I should be grateful for my own crap because there are plenty of others who would like to trade? Aware again. I'm BFFs with a chick who has the worst luck ever! My scrambled eggs in a new rug is her heart's great desire.

Maybe they were offended by my flippant comment about wanting to kill my toddler. Mandated reporter here folks. It was a joke! A little sarcasm helps the medicine of life go down.

Maybe they are overdue for an appearance at the opthamologist and mistakenly clicked it thinking it said 'love'.

Perhaps they would like to chastise me regarding the importance and health of child spacing? Fertility docs ain't got nothin' on God. And I did a internship developing family planning resources for the State Health Department. Preachin' to the choir sista! (Assuming it was sista only because I don't think many men read my blog. They have their own wives to listen to. Why would voluntarily listen to me? Don't they have a game tivo'd or something?)

I don't know. They didn't say.

Normally, I wouldn't give a monkey's uncle, but it rubbed me the wrong way. Because looking at me cross-eyed these days rubs me the wrong way, but still. I'm honest about the fact that I'm tired, overwhelmed and parenting is hard and sometimes I overthink it making it harder than it needs to be and you think that's lame? Forgive me if my first inclination is to respond with, "Well, I think you're lame!!" But that would demonstrate that maybe I didn't really pass the fourth grade or learn anything the last twenty-seven years on this planet.

Instead, I will impart to you something I've learned. When we desperately wanted kids, I thought that no trial was as bad as being lonely and living childless. I'd hear someone complain about what seemed a minor point of life and think, "But at least you have kids!" I was selfish and so inward focused that unless someone was experiencing the exact same trial I was, then it wasn't as bad or didn't count. Since then, time has passed. I've been on the other side, I've met people with way crappier lives than I pray I will ever have and I've seen that lumps and bumps come in different sizes and packages. Our trials will not be lined up next to eachother and compared. We will be compared against ourselves and how well we endured, responded, and what we did with them. Nine times out of ten my response is to get snarky, sarcastic, and then blog about it. Then I feel better. If you think that's lame well, "Your Mom!" "Bite me!" and "You're not invited to my birthday party!"

1 comment:

Ellie said...

This post makes me want to hang out again...it really has been too long. Damn cold and flu season coupled with the holidays are getting in the way of my social life!

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