Elephants

There is a great white elephant in my living room. For two weeks I have tiptoed around it. Blogging about nothing, pretending I'm not thinking about it, seeing it, wishing it will stay.

It would be such a loss if I didn't write this down and it became someone's story. Not to mention it goes completely against my nature to pretend that nothing's going on, even when nothing really is.

Two weeks ago today, while sitting in the Costco parking lot, my phone rang. I knew I recognized the number, but not so well that I answered it right away. As I pushed the answer button I knew immediately who it was without even hearing his voice.

There was the howdy-dos and his of every normal catching-up conversation and then we get to the good part... this is where we go verbatim- for potential posterity's sake.

"So the reason I'm calling...well...I...see...there is a birthmom who is looking for a couple and you guys fit...and I'm wondering if I can send her your old profile...that is unless you can send me some new pictures...."

Totally shocked and dumbfounded, my response- "Um.. this is totally from left field...totally not what we were planning for... but how do I say no to something like that?"

There was more to the conversation, but only a little. And nothing since. I went home and we wrote a new letter and forwarded pictures updating our profile. And that has been that. It is how these things work.

Thankfully, only a few days later I went the first Families Supporting Adoption play group. Instantly among friends and with women who get it, get me- I spilled my secret. The conversation turned in and out of our kids, our birthmoms, the process, life, where to buy little girl capris-all the essential stuff. During the course of the afternoon one of them said...

"You know... God knows what he's doing. He knows how to pick the perfect trials for me. I like to be in control. And with adoption you're anything but in control."

She could be my sister. At least I know that when I see them again next there will be no need to explain if there is or isn't a baby. They understand. These elephants may disappear one day without a trace or they could turn out to be your son.