Alibi

You can get away with anything when you're pregnant. You just blame being pregnant and Whalah! It is amazing.

"How are you feeling?" And in my head I'm thinking, "I'm fine. I'm just lazy." But people don't usually say, "I'm a lazy arse who didn't feel like doing anything today, so I didn't." No one blinks an eye. "Oh, you must be tired because you're pregnant." Um, okay. Yeah. Why didn't I think of that?

I am a big eater. Huge even. I regularly finish my Husband's meals whether we're at home or go out to eat. It might be a little overwhelming to some people the mass quantities of food I can consume and not change in shape. But now? No one bats an eye. "Oh, how cute! Preggo just consumed a bathtub's worth of Panda Express! She's eating for two, you know." Um, okay. Yeah. Why didn't I think of that? When in reality I've always been a pig.

"You must be tired." So, a friend with four kids offers, "Why don't you let me take Scrunch so you can take a nap this week?" It took everything in me not to shout "Hell Yeah!!!" But come on? Tired? Raise your hand if you're not tired. That's what I thought. 

My point is...I totally forgot my point.

I forget everything these days. That is not an excuse, it's a scientific fact. Hormones make women's brains mushy. My sister told me about a study she read.

Oh, yes. My point. My point is you can get away with anything. I'm just sorry I didn't figure it out sooner. It will not however prevent the crochety Volunteer PD officer from giving you a ridiculous ticket. I so wish I had jumped out of the car and burst into hysterics rather than eat the $250 bucks. A story for another day.

How many stories do I owe you now? I forget.