Thursday, April 15, 2010

At 2:56 a.m.

The lease is about up on the nine month rental of my uterus as a living space.

I am glad.

This is where I could insert a bunch of complaints about being awake, sciatica, heartburn, and all kinds of swollen parts, but that would mean that maybe I didn't learn a damn thing the last five years about gratitude or blessings. There's always the "open mouth, insert foot" lesson that grates on every nerve of a woman who wants and can't (for whatever reason) have (yet).

And though it might seem contrary, this pregnancy has re-confirmed to me over, and over, and over again the AWEsomeness of adoption. I love our birthmom more now than ever.

As a pregnant woman making the choice to place, what do you say to every freaken stranger who asks you about names, your due date, and whether its a boy or a girl? Good hell! It would take a lot of strength not to break down every trip to the grocery store.

If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked how much longer I have this week, I'd cash them in and take his first vacation in the Bahamas. But for as done as I'm getting with the soccer punches on my cervix, there is no physical hurdle that compares to the act of placing a child.

A birthmom gets the worst of both worlds. You've got to love bigger than the whole earth for something like that.

That's what I needed to get off my chest at 2:56am.


Wilkins Clan said...

I love that you said that. I always get so grumpy being asking a million times by strangers when my baby is due. But being on the other side and knowing that I would be giving up a child and then being asked that everyday would be so hard.

You are almost there and believe it or not even when you have that sweet baby in your arms you just might miss the feeling of being pregnant and feeling him move. Women are crazy!

Katie said...

Amen...And I love you and can't wait to meet your little tenant.

cambridgeclan said...

I am enjoying having my uterus back to myself. I feel for you and your sleeplessness. Try some apple cider vinegar to help with the heartburn. I admit I slept in my recliner a few times just so I could sleep. Soon you will be able to eat without looking at the food and wondering if it is going to come back and visit later.

You make a great point about the selflessness of a birth mom going through a pregnancy and every thing that goes with it and then being willing to place her baby with another family. It really is love.

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