Blogging use to be my therapy. There's a lot to therapize (new word?) in the infertility to adoption to new motherhood to new fertilityhood with a baby with a couple of extras. Add that life is just sometimes a bit wonky in the hood and there's ample fodder for blog posting. But lately I don't find I need it as much. Tread carefully. For if I had a dollar for every crazy who stopped stopped their meds because they got better... I am the Mayor of Crazytown, afterall.
I don't know if it's the weather, with its signs of Spring and promises of Summer, groovin' to Dr. Dog's Heart it Races, or the fact that I feel like I've been liberated! I have. Didn't you know? I am no longer pumping! Haven't I mentioned that? Oh well. In case you missed it. I'm no longer pumping! I didn't have to haul the damn black Madela bag a single time over the last two weeks and I feel like my life has been changed. It is the little things. Little things and a mental shift made easier by the quelling of hormonal tides.
I am destined to eat all of my words. Sometimes twice. And two weeks ago, the same day I posted that homeschooling wasn't for me, I ran into a woman at the park whose opinion on teaching I respect. She shared with me some information that I quickly ran home and began to study. Among the many things I read (and liked) was a simple idea... If you want your children to love learning, they need to see you learning.
I liked it. The notion of the martyr mother who does everything for and because of her children was blasted out of the park. It didn't sit well with me anyway. Who wants to say that wiping butt all the live long day makes you feel productive and valued? It makes you a liar. When I do and learn things that make me a better person, I am a better mother. As I've slowly let it sink in, I've been rejuvenated. There's energy in learning. I am not a writer, a photographer, a decorator, a horsewoman, a woodworker, a spinning wheel restorer, a gardener, and I don't appreciate good poetry the way I'd like, but I could be, and I will be, and maybe I am.
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