Reality Bytes

I was so tired last night, but wanting to check one more thing off the to-do list, I blogged. When I re-read the post this morning I thought, "Who is this chick?? She sounds like she's got her crap together." Like in a supper peppy, I'm just thrilled with every little pebble my kid poops, and in fact I'm so happy I started crapping rainbows kind of way. Not exactly my blogs cup of tea. So let me fill you in...but it's our little secret, m'kay?

Yes, I did paint the bathroom cupboards. And my family has patiently found somewhere else to eat meals because they've been propped on the kitchen table for the last two weeks.

Yes, I did take before pics yesterday. The real reason I didn't post them was because I waited to do it until five minutes before Squishy woke up. My mirror was embarrassingly disgusting and needed wiping and it must have taken up the entire five minutes because she started to wake up. As she started waking- my milk let down. Get the picture?

Yes, I did stencil tote bags for Teacher Appreciation Week. But only when sometime Wednesday I read on my favorite couponing blog about the fun and easy Teacher Appreciation Week crafts she was making. Crap! What do I have that I could throw together? And I remembered I had the Dollar Tree tote bags originally intended for Mother's Day gifts that I never go to. (Sorry Moms.) Holly and I discussed the necessity of these things. "You have to be the nice mom so they like you and will be nice to your kid." Ironically, today was the first day a teacher has asked to speak with me after school. Greeeeeat....My kid hurt another kid's feelings when she REFUSED to sit by her at snack time. After talking to her this afternoon I find out it's because she overheard her say 'stupid' to her mom and her mom say 'stupid' back. "Stupid is not a nice word, Mom. So, she can't be my friend." Ugh, where in the freakin' parenting manual do I look up what to say to that? "Sometimes mommy says not nice words and her friends still hang out with her???"

Yes, we did make cupcakes. We. My husband did most of it and only after I sent him to the Chevron across the street to buy the secret ingredient- sour cream. Who doesn't have sour cream in their fridge? Luckily, our local Chevron dude and my husband are buddies now. For the last three (late) nights while I've worked my husband goes over to buy a treat at the gas station. He always asks if I want or need anything. "A drink" is my standard response. He comes home with a Pina Colada, Strawberry Daquiri, and Green Tea Sobe. I don't not drink because I'm Mormon. I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic. Last night when we were in dire straights for some sour cream, the dude told my husband that if they're closed and he still sees his car to just go ahead and knock on the window and he'd let him in. We are officially hooked up.

Yes, Scrunch has a play today. Miraculously, I was able to find the buttons in my catch-all room called a craft room so I could glue them on at o'dark-thirty. Tonight she will look cute and we will all be smiling in the pictures. I will post them tomorrow with captions about my adorable children. They were not so adorable this afternoon. It could be captured in another three posts but I'll just summarize by saying, "If you were near the vicinity of Sunrise and White Rock this afternoon, perhaps in the McDonald's drive-thru, I'm sorry if you had to hear Mommy throw a tantrum." I forgot the windows were down. Luckily all that I said was, "EVERYONE JUST STOP TALKING TO MOMMY FOR A MINUTE!!!!!" And may I also add that if I were to submit a topic suggestion to People I Want to Punch in the Throat it would be, Greasy-haired Mickey D's Employees Who Look Down Their Nose and Judge Me.

The kids have been banished to the backyard until I'm ready to bathe them and wrestle them into combing and curling their hair. I'd have stuck them in front of a movie, but our DVD player is busted and I'm on the computer, the only other means for watching Bob the Builder or Sound of Music.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to squirt some frosting on those bad-boy cupcakes of mine. But only after watching no less than three videos on YouTube on how to pipe it correctly. I will put on deodorant (because I think I forgot to this morning), brush my teeth, and go parade wave and flash my pearlies at the other pre-school Moms. We can all continue to pretend at having our shit, I mean poo-poo, together.

My secret is safe with you, right?