Window of Opportunity

Yesterday I explained it this way, and I let my words float around in my head the rest of day. It is not a fully formulated theory, but here goes anyway.

Ahem.

For a woman there is a distinct window of opportunity of when she begins to want a/another child. But you don't know how long that window will be open. The window may close and the desire and pull towards motherhood closes with it. And while it's closed you are content or at least resigned to where you're at. And then the window opens again. Most women will feel the tug and conceive while the window is open. Some even do it when the window is most definitely closed. It often closes during the actual pregnancy, but opens again as they prepare for their child.

With infertility and adoption it doesn't work like that. The window opens. You jump through a series of hoops. You fill out some documents. The window closes. You find contentment with the lot you have received or at least resigned to it. The window opens. More hoops. More documents. The window closes. Sometimes slamming shut on your hand. Sometimes you wish it would just stay shut. And every time the window opens you become more and more acutely aware that it will be closing again. The scary part is that you don't know how often the window will be opening for you, so when it's open you feel a sense of urgency and panic.

Last night I was given a statistic.

Less than 1% of ALL pregnancies will end in placement/adoption.

Does that even begin to give you perspective? What a miracle my Scrunch is? Do I believe a person is deserving of two miracles? While the window is open, I don't have a choice but to.

My mother says that blogging is my therapy. Does that scare you? Trust me. Not as much as it scares me to think of you as my therapist.