Dear Grammy

Dear Grammy,

Thank you for making me this jacket. It fits good. I mean well. It is very soft and warm. I am very sleepy so I do not want to smile for pictures, but I don't want you to think I don't like it. I miss you and want to come and see you soon.

Luv,

Little Miss

Beating the Blahs

Maybe I jinxed myself by declaring yesterday Happy Thoughts Friday, but try as I might I'm fighting a serious case of the Blah's. Now I may be a bit intense, somewhat hormonal, and occasionally slightly bitchy, but I'm not a depressed person. And I hate feeling this way for absolutely no reason.

Maybe it's because I'm jealous of my Mom and good friend who are both getting sexy new 'dos. You know how I feel about a good haircut. Maybe it's because every member of my family except Husband has either peed, barfed, or chewed on something and it's my turn to be pissed off. Anyway...

I attempted to combat the Blahs with a round of serious grout scrubbing. I'm not kidding. A clean house is a happy house in my world. But it only made me tired, and with laundry still left to do. So I had to resort to the no-fail cure-all...shopping. I'm a hypocrite, I know. The same chick who spouts about buying handmade, cloth diapers, and getting green is out driving her big-ass SUV, guzzling gas, and swiping plastic all over town. But it works.

How could I not feel better wearing a new sweatshirt? The weather's beautiful and warm where we're at, but we were going to go the beach today and it gets cold there. 'Were' is the key. I chickened out. Actually with the IFC to the rescue (again), we are sending our husbands and we're having a G.D.O. (Girls DAY Out). Brought together by Clomid or the fear of it, our husbands get along great. They crack themselves up. I shudder to think of the conversations taking place during the five hours in the car today...And for what? To dive in almost freezing water for a slimy, nasty looking creature (but tastes great!)- Abalone. We have no idea what we're going to do, but it's going to be good.

And my other purchase from yesterday-Exercise DVD's to combat the back-fat. My tummy may be flat, but my back is not. I've got to get a grip on these love handles. O.K. not punny. I mean funny. But have a good day anyway.

Happy Thoughts = Puppies

Only happy thoughts today...

After a really crappy day of finals or school in general, I would ask Husband (before he was my husband) to take me to feed the baby ducks. On a really, really crappy day I would ask him to take me to see puppies. There is just something about them that makes me so happy. After three years of begging, I finally convinced him that it was time for a dog. We moved to California on a Friday and picked up Jedi on Saturday. I was not deterred by the four hour drive to Redding after driving twelve hours the day before.

Every member of our family has been meant to be. Except maybe Chevy the Cat. He's a pain in the butt, but he's OUR pain in the butt. It may sound extreme to some to say that even the dogs are MEANT to be, but I swear it's true. Next week is Ani's birthday so I will tell you her story then. They helped me prepare for Little Miss and Ani confirmed to me that God answers prayers.

This should make you feel all warm and gooey inside.

Jedi as a puppy.

If you're wondering how they are doing with Little Miss being around now, they couldn't be happier. Someone is home almost 24/7 and I would let them babysit before I'd let some people.

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

All sweet, syrupy, and full of warm and fuzzy thoughts. Gag me. So not me. But still... I don't want you all to get depressed reading my blog. If you want a reality check you've come to the right place, but every once in awhile it is nice to escape to a "happy" place (that doesn't involve recreational pharmaceuticals). So, tomorrow I will only post thoughts that will make you feel all warm and gooey inside. It is Friday after all.

Fairy Dust

I'm awake and it's the middle of the night. I could blame it on the baby in the next room, but really she's sleeping like... well, a baby. I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie but that was at 8:30. It's almost been my required six hours of sleep, so now I'm wide awake. Sort of. Even in the middle of the night, your wide awake-ness is still a little dull.

I needed to delete a previous post so that I don't get someone fired, but it left me thinking. "A dangerous past-time, I know." (Sorry, Disney reference.) So what am I thinking?... I usually wake up thinking about my next project, or dreaming of a knitting pattern, but not tonight.

I'm thinking about fairy dust. A few weeks ago a patient's wife commented on my nursing bag. She asked if I had any fairy dust that I could sprinkle and change their situation. I told her, "believe me, I wish I did."

So, if I had fairy dust, what would I sprinkle it on? Two things come to mind.

#1. My bank account. Sorry, it's true. I don't necessarily want to be oober-wealthy, but it would be nice not to have to think about money. I hate that we have to consider the options when it comes to- do we save for a down payment? or our next child? It's just a fact of the situation. It's kind of hard to make those kinds of decisions because we have the control. You'd think that as a control freak I'd love that. Nope, not really. We decide when to submit our paperwork the next time. And then there's the whole do we specify girl or boy or just take what we get? That's a whole other post. How many times are we going to do this? Our chances of being picked decrease and the length of time you wait increases the more children you have (at least that's what they tell you). I hate that I think about these things. I feel like I'm not giving my full attention and gratitude for the one child we have. And then there's the guilt. Which brings me to #2.

#2. I would sprinkle fairy dust on the IFC. I feel guilt thinking about our 'next' baby, because I have really good friends who are waiting for their first. I want the infertile club to transform into the "Infertile First" club. When someone asked me when Little Miss was born if this meant I was out of the IFC I said "No, I'm still infertile. I just have a baby." But come on guys, let's be honest. I never wanted to join the "mommy club" because they talk about their labors and breastfeeding, two subjects I don't have a lot to add to (or at least very pleasant things to say about them). But at the same time, my days now are filled with teething, growth charts, and developmental milestones. And I LOVE IT. Like it or not, I'm in the mommy club. But it kills me that it kills some of my friends to see it. I know they want what I've got.

And even though I am totally and completely thrilled/grateful that I'm a mommy now, at the same time, I still feel like I've been kicked in the stomach when I hear that Jr. High students get pregnant or that women who've had abortions delivered twins. There's just a lot that I don't get. And then surfing on the internet I came across this video. This didn't help. It just made me cry.




Moral of the story- If I had fairy dust I would sprinkle it on my pea-brain so that just for one day I would have a greater understanding of it all. I would get why some people have something others want, why some people get and kill what others live for, and I would get why I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this stuff.

PSA

This public service announcement is brought to you by a very tired, ticked off, and ranting public health nurse.

Gas is expensive, (we know, we know, already), but it leads to great traveling conditions. We had the least amount of traffic for a Memorial Day weekend I have ever seen this weekend! It was so nice driving home. There were fewer idiots out there on the roads, but of course you still run into your share, which led me to reminisce over past trips driving home.

Drinking and driving goes without saying... I will kick your butt from here to where you came from if I find out you do it. Only slightly less stupid is driving when you're too tired to keep your eyes open and your car on the road.

In the last year we have stopped twice at car accidents where falling asleep at the wheel was the cause of the incident. We only stop when lights and sirens haven't responded yet and in some areas that can take a long time. Last year on the same route we took today, we stopped just after John watched an SUV ROLL down the freeway and land upside down. I was woken up with, "umm, honey you've got to wake up and help these people." Lovely.

After doing the best we could to patch them up and wait for Life Flight to arrive, some poor lady was going to show up in the ER with maxi pads taped to her head after someone in another car fell asleep because they were too stubborn to stop for a nap. Do you know what road rash on someone's head looks like? Honestly people, pull over and take a nap.

Then, not three weeks ago, in the middle of the afternoon we were on our way home when we came up on another truck, again upside down. After scrapping up my own knees from the glass trying to get this guy to keep his head still, I found out he also fell asleep. He was soooo lucky. By some miracle nobody else was hurt. I got to call his wife at his request to let her know he had been in a car accident. I didn't really think anything of it until we left and I realized we were only a few minutes behind him, then I got ticked. He could have plowed into the side of our car and we would have been in a world of hurt. His huge truck against a Mini all because he didn't stop to take a nap. Again, pull over people!

My jump kit is running low and with the addition of a car seat, stroller, and diaper bag, I don't have as much room for miscellaneous first aid kit items. Next idiot we come across is going to show up in the ER patched up in Pampers. Pull over people!

C'est fini!

I don't know how or why my Mom ever thought sewing four of the SAME dress would or could be fun. I still have to hem it, but I won't do that until she's ready to wear it. She's been growing at the rate of two inches per month so our Little Amazon (that's what Ang calls her) needs the growing room. For now, I am done. And just in time since we're headed home today.

I will not be quitting my day job and turning my living room into a sewing shop. It sure beat spending forty bucks on a dress she'll only wear a couple of times. In this case, it didn't cost me anything to make it, but usually making something yourself, especially clothing, is not the more economical way to go.

I have learned that if you're going to put your time and energy into making something (especially something knit or crocheted), it is worth the extra cash to buy the best quality you can afford. It's not worth putting that much effort into something that is going to wear poorly or fade. But you have to use your judgement. Take this blanket that's being done over at Purlbee (I LOVE this site!)- if you use the yarn they are calling for, it would cost you over a hundred dollars to make! It's cute, but not that cute. I'm sure Target sells a suitable alternative. (For the blanket I mean. Target doesn't sell yarn.)

That's why I hate it when people complain about the prices in handmade boutiques or for handmade items. If you don't want to spend it, DON"T! But trust me, they aren't getting rich on their wares. Even a well crafted scrapbook page costs more to make than a person would ever be able to sell it for by the time you add up the cost of paper, stickers, die cuts, and their TIME! I get asked a lot (by friends and family) about going into business or starting a website. Some people do very well on Etsy, which I think is totally awesome, but they are also targeting those who are involved in a craft and are willing to spend what the item is worth. For me, crafting from home is not a business, it's a hobby! For now anyway. But starting an Etsy shop is getting pretty tempting. Only so I can have the excuse of "but honey, it's for a sample for the shop." Am I sneaky or what?

Over the river and through the woods...

to Grammy's house we go! More like, Over the freeway and through the smog...but you get the idea.

There is a conspiracy behind baby clothes! This was supposed to fit a 2T. I don't think so.


Little Miss and Aunt Goose

All that and a bag of chips!

Hey! We have the same haircut!

Gramps

Cuddle Bug and Aunt-Eee!

Nap time!

Cuddle with Grammy and her fuzzy robe.

Where's Papa in all these pictures? Out working, or napping.

Oooh La-La!

On tonight's menu-

Fried Chicken

Mashed Potatoes

Country Gravy

Homemade rolls

Salad

and for dessert: Strawberry Shortcake with Vanilla Ice Cream!

And did I mention that it's all made from scratch. No potato flakes to be found! This is one of my (if not very) favorit-est meal in the whole world. Do we really have to go home?

OK, so my dinner plans aren't that exciting to blog about. But I'm tired.

Slacker

I'm slacking off. I didn't get pictures taken like I'd hoped. (Not having my camera might have had something to do with it.) The days seem to get shorter and shorter as I come up with more and more projects to get done. There is an endless supply of ideas and fabrics to play with at my Mom's. Not to mention, people willing to hold Little Miss while I work.

Just to give you an idea of what we've been up to...

I have four quilts to put the binding on. I made one of these. I am working on a few of these. And I'm making our own version of this dress for Little Miss. My mom actually had this very fabric left over from a quilt she made. And I convinced her to let us keep the matching quilt too. Yay!

And my Mom managed to con me into a few hours of yard work. But in the process I also fell in love with this plant. Now I want one for my front porch.

I have a couple more projects to I'd like to get done before we head home on Tuesday.

Like some of these with the leftover scraps of my lunchbag. Oh so many crafts, so little time.

Forget Friday

If you were waiting up to read my Friday post, sorry to disappoint. I was waiting up for Husband to get here, but was much too busy to blog. Hopefully I'll have pics later today of what I've been working on. Lots and lots of projects in the works.

Matchy-matchy

When we were little, my Mom dressed all four of us alike, and a lot of the time in clothes she had sewn herself. We hated it, but it must have made a lasting impression (or more like it was emblazoned in my brain). What I hated as a child is now something I do myself. Yikes! I am obsessed with coordinating Little Miss' outfits with hair bows. And a lot of times she even coordinates with what I'm wearing. I either have too much time on my hands, or have psychological damage from my childhood. Probably both. The whole matchy-matchy business has gotten out of hand and to my hand. I don't have feeling in three of my right fingers from hot glue gun burns. I made twenty hair bows today. Yes, you can read. Twenty.

I blame my mother for this.

If you think it's a little overboard for one child to have so many bows and cute girly shoes, well then, I've gone overboard. But you're going to really flip when you find out that I want to pierce her ears. And before you lecture me about it, just remember that I'm cited as a reference in a book about the dangers of piercing.

You might as well tell someone straight out, "You look like crap today." That's what they really mean when they say you look tired. And yes, I know I look tired. I am.

True Cougars Bleed Blue

We (O.K one of us) has been waiting for this day for weeks, even months now.

100 Days from today,

BYU will play their first game of the season.

The countdown begins!

My husband is VERY even keeled. He's VERY patient, pretty quiet, and some would describe him even as a nerd. I say, "Marry a nerd. Nerds are Nice. They make great husbands." But when it comes to BYU football he lets loose- crazy, screaming, cheering himself hoarse! He hates to go TO the games because of fans who stand up and block his view of everything going on, or that make dumb comments. He'd rather sit in the privacy of his own home where he can have an unobstructed view and look up stats on his laptop as the game is broadcast. He is a little obsessive about it. I know some wives hate that their husbands watch sports, but I don't mind. For a few months of the year my husband is grateful for full afternoons of his wife quilting and knitting. Because he's only into college ball, it doesn't carry on into the rest of the weekend and games aren't on Sundays. If you're going to be a fan of something, BYU football is a pretty good choice as far a wives' preferences go.

So here you go, babe. Your quilt is finished! (Almost. The quilt top is done. I'll quilt it tonight or tomorrow.)

And there's a new hat in your closet for the new season, and a tee for your newest fan. I'm sure Little Miss will grow up to appreciate a good football game. If not for the sport itself, then for the knitting, or quilting, or at least for the football players themselves!

Go Cougars!

Never Fails

I love visiting my Mom's (and Dad's). It's like a quilting retreat complete with babysitting (that I actually trust), good food (that's free and I don't have to cook), awesome top-of-the-line gadgets, and absolutely nothing I have to do. And lets not forget the endless entertainment of watching my Mom rock out to American Idol on the Wii. I'd post a video but I'd be disowned or worse, never invited back. For the next few days I don't have a single thing to do except knit, or not, watch a movie,or not, quilt,or not, or do or not do whatever I want. Except of course caring for Little Miss. That goes without saying. But really that doesn't count. She's VERY low maintenance. And I have LOTS and LOTS of help with her, whether I need it or not.

But all great things have their down sides. My Mr. is at home with my puppies which means beside missing him (and them), I can't sleep. It never fails. If he's gone, I wake up BEFORE the butt-crack of dawn and can't go back to sleep. This is very unusual behavior for me since I am someone who could sleep standing up (and have done it before).

What's a girl to do? What any girl would do at that hour. Groom their eyebrows. But that didn't help because it only made me miss my Desiree too. Desiree was my esthetician, a.k.a. waxer. Notice the 'was'? She had left her job as a corporate accounts manager because of the stress and lack of family time and became an esthetician. And she was damn good.

She had her own little place over in a cute part of Old Town. Next to my husband, she knew me more intimately than most people (excluding anyone with the last name of Obgyn). But one day I called to make an appointment and I got that annoying chick telling me that number had been disconnected. I almost wanted to cry. How could she? She didn't even say goodbye. She's the one who got my eyebrows back on track and taught me, "Honey, they're sisters. Not twins." Well, without her I can't even get them to look like distant cousins.

I've been hesitant to find someone else, but the time has come. 3:47 AM is NOT the time to wax and pluck your eyebrows. Now finding someone has become A #1 priority. Thankfully I've got Holly. There's a long list of reasons I love her, but her having an awesome waxer and good eyebrows to prove it, has added a new layer of depth and love to our friendship. Just kidding. I love her for a lot of really deep and meaningful reasons. But that doesn't mean I wont take her girl's number.

Bye-bye

Very early this morning Little Miss and I will be saying

“I’ll be back”

“Hasta la vista, Baby.”

“Goodbye Mr Bond.”

"Happy trails to you.."

"Bye, Bye."

"Sayonara dude!"

And singing “I’m leavin’ on a jetplane”… to Papa. We’re taking our first plane ride to go visit Grammy and Gramps. Papa will meet us there later in the week.

So TTFN!

My mom owed John a favor...so she bought me a plane ticket to bring Little Miss for a visit. When I told John, he said "that's not a favor." "She's taking my girls away for almost a week." Then he found out Aunt Flow was coming to visit this week. Now he owes her one.

By now he's thinking, how can I miss you if you won’t go away?

I’m going, I’m going.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

don't say anything at all.

Let's just label this day PIA.

It's all relative.

I had a patient tell me this morning, "Hey I'm a healthy guy. Honest, I'm really healthy.
Me: "Um sir, you were discharged from the hospital last Thursday after a six vessel coronary bypass."
Patient: "I know and I feel great."

When I asked him if he used a walker before the surgery he responded with "Hell no. What do you think I am? Some old man?"

I could use seeing more patients like this.

Furtune Cookie for Dad

Among the many things I've learned from my Dad, is the great appreciation of good Chinese food. He is full of fortune cookie wisdom.

Some of his famous one-liners include-

"Youth and skill are no match for old age and treachery." Heard almost on a weekly basis.

"Hmmmm." No one say's hmmm like my dad.

"What's up kiddo?" I don't even think he realizes he says this. Alot.

Any reference to his boss includes the phrase "our fearless leader" in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

and my personal favorite...

"Anything your little heart desires."

On our first date, (when you date a woman with four teenage daughters you take her kids too) we went for Chinese food. We knew it was a match when we almost got kicked out of the restaurant for laughing so hard. And we've been laughing and having fun ever since. So for Dad... I crocheted you a fortune cookie. One that won't mold no matter how old you get.

Happy Birthday! We love you Gramps!

Baby Acrobatics!

Guess who rolled over today?

Bucket List

One of the best things about my job is the people I get to meet. I know, I know. You're surprised I like people. I like interesting ones. The older they are, the more interesting they tend to be. Maybe it's because by then they've figured out how to pull their head out, but at any rate. Some of my greatest friends have been in their eighties.

Take Jetta and Sherman for example. We would play cards every week. She was beautiful, intelligent, and full of spunk. Plus she decorated her walker with a custom floral arrangement. How perfect is that? And did I mention she was eighty-nine? She was a Southern Lady to the core, and a complete crack up. Sherman was a quiet guy completely smitten with Jetta. We had such a good time getting to know them and becoming friends. They had led full and complete lives and were so happy.

They stand out to me most, but there have been lots and lots of people that I've met that have done things they make movies about.

I met one of the first women who visited China when it opened to the West. She was 106 when I met her and we became good friends.I've met two Japanese Americans who were placed in Japanese internment camps during the War. I've met and played Black Jack with the first woman CEO for Bank of America. I was friends with a man who worked as a driver for the studios back when Hollywood was the place to be. And there have been many, many more.

Just last week I met a woman who was 101 and going strong, and a man who served three years in Italy during the War. The thing I've found most in common in all of these people is #1. They were happy and #2. They lived life. They didn't sit around waiting for life to happen. They made it happen.

I added Bucket List to my Netflicks queue just this week. So in anticipation of a sappy movie night, I made my own bucket list. But I've tweaked it a little so as to not get overwhelmed.

Fifteen Things I Want to Do in the Next 15 Years

• Enter in a magazine contest
• Hike the John Muir trail with John
• Publish a book
• Cruise Alaska
• Have six pack abs
• Be Tri-lingual
• Be able to play Ballad Pour Adeline on the piano. I'm already searching Craigslist for a piano. And if you know any good piano teachers in the area...
  
• Visit 75 temples
• Learn to grow orchids
• Be able to do The Crow and Side Crow yoga poses

Not all of us will get to be old. It's a blessing and luxury to live a long healthy life. But should I be lucky enough, I don't want to get that old and wrinkly and be full of should'a could'a would'as.

Insomnia

Ever wake up in the middle of the night just dying to make something? No? Just me? Try it sometime, it leads to great afternoon naps. Anyway, a few days ago while at Macy's I fell in love with this necklace...but it was more than I was willing to spend as much as I loved it. It has been on my brain and I've been thinking. I could make this, I know I could. And this morning at 5:23 A.M. I found the pattern on-line. I hope some of you out there like it too, because I see it your Christmas future. If you're totally in love too and won't be able to sleep until you know you'll own one too, let me know your favorite color and it'll make Christmas shopping this year that much easier.

The real reason I'm up is because my hand is bugging me. Why? A huge fat burn all puffy with pus. I resisted taking a picture for your breakfast enjoyment. Actually, the camera battery is dead.

Anyway, the list of reasons why I hate to cook gets longer...Do I need to point out that going out for Sushi does not pose a health hazard. O.K. bad example. But the point is that since McDonald's and their famous coffee lawsuit, restaurants take their customer's safety pretty seriously. It's a whole lot safer than cooking in my own kitchen that's for sure. I'm actually pretty proud of the fact that all I said was 'Fetch'.

My flippin' annoying burn. Once you get past the initial searing of the flesh, it actually isn't painful. It's just in an obnoxious spot. I keep brushing it against things and I'm trying to prevent it from opening. How do you think hand sanitizer (which is alcohol based mind you) is going to feel every five minutes while I work this weekend? Fetch.

But at least I found my Puffy Heart Pattern. So for the rest of the day rather than 'Fetch' you'll only hear me say Swarovski.

P.S. I did not need this article to tell me my cat is psychotic. But thank you Yahoo all the same.

Suzy Homemaker

What I wish I was...

What I really am...

Have I mentioned that I'm beginning to hate moving?

Maybe it was PMS, but the other template was giving me a migraine.

Low Maintenance

I'm a simple girl really. That is why chocolate and new jeans for Mother's Day rocks as a gift. Although I'm a lover all things Gap, I've discovered a new love. I love Express jeans. I would wear them every day. And I now sport the definition of wash and wear hair. Good thing too because I had to leave the house in a hurry this morning. To simplify my routine even further, I have switched to mineral make-up (An idea I got from Holly who's makeup always looks awesome. She also has very awesome eyebrows.) Anyway, I'm to the point now where I throw on my jeans, put a little pomade in my hair and can Kabuki my face while giving Little Miss her bath. Problem is, I'm not really a low maintenance girl. According to 'When Harry Met Sally', I'm the worst kind of girl. I'm a high maintenance girl, who thinks she's low maintenance.

Cupcake Wearing a Cupcake

Knitting journal entry:
Cupcake Hat knit from the stash.
Started: A couple of weeks ago.
Finished: As we pulled into the church parking lot on Sunday.

We were out late at some friend's on Sunday so I let her sleep in her onesie. Monday morning I woke her up with the camera.

Seriously lady, you've got issues. Step away from the camera and back away slowly. And for hell's sake! Why am I still wearing this stupid hat?

Oh all right. I give. She then decided to totally ham it up! I wish they weren't so dark, but well it was still dark outside.

Full view of the Cupcakeness.

Old Fashioned Fun!

We went to the Fair on Saturday for a little break and some fun. Of course my favorite part was the auctioneer. All those cute 4-H kids! Took me back a few days. I was even F.H.A. secretary!

We're going where? Really? Actually this is for Grammy so she can check out my new jammies.

We're here!

It took way too long to get here. Actually, more than 15 minutes in the car leads to napping for both Little Miss and her mommy. What can I say? It is a gift.

But I woke her up to see Zuckerman's Famous Pig! Not really, but he was Grand Champ.


Miss and Mommy. Of course not looking at the camera, but you could spot those cheeks anywhere. Also, not the best debut of the new 'do, but oh well.

More of those cheeks.


See what I have to put up with?



Husband headed for a CABG and no not the vege! That's coronary artery bypass grafting! Fair food is disgusting to look at but seriously tasty going down!


Oh what a great day, wouldn't you say? Hey! That rhymed.

Moving Day Pics

We have survived the move, all except Harry the Maple tree. He's feeling a little neglected and it's showing, but other than that everyone is doing great and adjusting to the new locale. And we finally have consistent Internet access so I'll be playing catch up!

These are moving day pics.

Nothing bugs this little bug!

Bye Bye Mommy!

Close up! Cute cheeks, eh?

Happy Mother's Day!

To many thoughts running through my head and too little sleep to pin them all down- mostly lots of thank you's. To my mom, thank you. To John's mom, thank you. To Candice, thank you. To my awesome friends boycotting this holiday, thank you. To my Husband, thank you. And to my sweet Little Miss that makes me doing this Mommy-thing easy, thank you.

Detour

I know, I know. I missed a day. We came home last night totally wiped out. I think I fell asleep five minutes after Little Miss went to bed. But I have a very good excuse...I have a three month old, we moved this week, two dogs, and we were asked to speak at the Birthparent meeting at LDSFS. I was exhausted and somewhat emotionally drained.

Here I was all week gearing up to rant about Mother's Day and how it's a chance for people with eight kids to rub their fertility in your face and make you sit in Sacrament while the speakers go on and on about how birthing children is your only purpose in coming to Earth. And then my attitude took a sudden detour. I got a call from Melissa...

Melissa is the Birthmom counselor for LDSFS. She asked if Husband and I would speak at the birthmom meeting this week. She wanted us to share our experience and bear our testimonies about adoption. What?! Are you sure? Anyway, I'm trying to think of what I'm going to say to these women besides "Have I got some friends for you to meet!" or "Hang on to my name and number. I'm the irreverent one, with really short hair, and the weird name."

So, I'm in the shower Friday morning and I have one of those epiphanies...The ones where you're sure the heavens just opened up and you've realized something that is going to be essential to your salvation..o.k. maybe not quite, but it was big.

We know that there is this Master Plan. And Father in Heaven knows each one of us individually and we each have a plan. And then I realized he loves us so much that even when we are stubborn and fight against what is best for us and make different choices, there is a backup plan. I'm not saying that Adoption is a backup plan. Just follow me for a minute. So then I'm thinking...There is a plan for John and I and there is a plan for Candice. But then I realized that there is just as much a plan for Kensley as the rest of us. She had just as much right to be raised in a home as the next child. Her plan just includes all of us. And suddenly I looked at our infertility so differently. If we had a child about to go to nursery and another on the way, we would never have even considered adoption, obviously. And all at once I felt peace about the struggles we've been through. Not just peace, but overwhelmingly blessed. We were blessed to be included in Kensley's plan.

I didn't share any of this at the meeting. We just went and talked about our experience and how much we love Candice. I've never used her name before because we try and be somewhat private about her, but after yesterday I'm totally excited. We are the lucky ones! It was so humbling to sit in front of these women and talk about how we felt. They are so strong and brave. My child was not 'given up'. These girls don't 'give their babies away', they are making a choice. If we believe that our eternal destiny will be predicated upon our choices, then it is my belief that there will be a special spot reserved for these great women. Our birthmom was amazing, and we love her. We knew her before and we will know her again. She had lots of options and she made a choice. She chose us to parent, and for that we will be eternally grateful.

Happy Birthmother's Day! We love you.

I Need Therapy!

"I am too pooped to poop." (Name that movie...) is about where I'm at tonight. I am in desperate need of Knit therapy. Blog Therapy. And let's not forget the all important Massage Therapy. Tonight I will have to settle for The Simpson's Movie Relaxation Therapy. If you are a fan of the Simpson's (like we are), then it is a must see. All right. I admit it. I love the Simpson's! I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm going to say it means I can appreciate a fine American cultural experience. There are a whole lot of things that Little Miss will be hearing, "do as I say, not as I do." And Simpson's appreciation is just one of them.

I actually made some progress on unpacking today. The kitchen is unpacked and cleaned up and...that's about it. I learned a few things during this move. #1. For someone who doesn't like to cook, I have a lot of spatulas and gadgets. #2. I have fancy platters and bowls that I've collected and we got for our wedding which I've been saving for a "special" occasion. They've never been used. How sad is that? I've decided that if we haven't had a "special" occasion in five years then the only "special" occasion they are going to be used for is my funeral. From now on, we use the good stuff.

Last night was also the first night that Little Miss slept in her own room. She was fine and did great. It was me who had the problem. At 2:30AM when I couldn't sleep anymore, I went and got her and put her in bed with me. I slept fine after that. She's not the one who is spoiled, it's me. But we already knew that.

Speaking of the Pampered Princess...I chopped my hair off. My husband is not fazed anymore by his wife's regular change in hairstyles. His only comment was, "Well, we must be having a change in our lives. Either that, or your joining the witness protection program." It is seriously short. Not quite Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta, but very close. The plan is to go to the fair this weekend, so we'll take pictures then. And maybe, just maybe I'll have unpacked my camera cord by then.

And you thought I forgot...

well, I didn't. That's all I wanted to say. At some point I will find the cord to download pictures. In the meantime, we are still moving. Actually we've moved, and tomorrow I'm sleeping in. Maybe.

Sick-O-Rama!

We're selling all of our appliances on Craigslist and this morning I got a request for the pictures of the INSIDE of the fridge. Gulp. Really? You wanna see the inside of my fridge? Right now? I've seen people who are tagged and post a pic of their fridge and then swear they didn't clean or straighten it. I think they lie. But fine, I want these out of here by tomorrow so I took pics and sent them off. I hope it doesn't influence her decision. I did mention that it would be empty and bleached when she saw it again.

Remember the book Mr Popper's Penguins? He kept penguins in his refrigerator. And I know some people keep frozen rodents for their pet snakes in the freezer. That's got to be worse than what I found! Sick-o-rama!

Family Pics

Little Miss was three months old last weekend which means, "SAY CHEESE!"

And we finally got around to taking a family picture.

Hell Week

We have affectionately dubbed this week "Hell Week". And we will all be glad when it is over. Nerves are shot, patience are running thin, and my patients have been crazy all weekend. I went from the nicest neighborhood in the area to the ghetto and even have the flea bites to prove it. Seriously disgusting the way some people live. And why do those on Medi-cal and every form of government funding have such big t.v.s? It's tempting to quit working so hard and take a free ride on the backs of humanity. They always seem to have the nicest cell phones and their nails done. We won't mention the fact that they seem to be incredibly fertile.

When this week is over I am treating myself to a new haircut and pedicure. Growing it out wasn't working, so instead we're going seriously short. Maybe I'm not developing patience after all. I haven't told John yet. Sorry honey. I'm breaking it to you the chicken way. It looks like your wife will only have long flowing hair and huge boobs in your dreams. What it is it with guys and long hair anyway? Not to generalize but it seems that most guys dig the long hair. Even if it's the stringy pioneer girl hair. Short can be sexy too, right? Oh hell, like it matters. I've been in such a mood this weekend I doubt my husband will want to come near me. I better shape up though, because this weekend is Mother's Day and I am hoping for a digital keychain to store all the adorable pics of some certain someones, flowers, a sappy card, and chocolate. (Hint, hint.) Actually I should really shape up not to collect on the gifts, but because my husband has been a jewel this weekend. If you haven't met him, he has the patience of Job. If you've met me, then you have a little insight as to why.

Speaking of Mother's Day. It is not my favorite holiday. Surprised? You'd think that this year's Mother's Day would be the most celebrated of my life! My very first Mother's Day! Not so much. It used to be one of the most dreaded, painful, bawl your eyes out day of the year. A Mother's Day sacrament meeting will just about rip your heart out. I either volunteered to work or we got as far out of town as possible. This year we are sticking around only because John has to speak. Can you believe that? My response- "You've got to be kidding?" "Please, please, please don't say anything to tick off my friends." Mother's Day talks have a way of cutting you right to the quick.

Anyway, why I'm not totally thrilled with Mother's Day... I don't really know. I'm mulling it around and I'm sure I'll be expounding later in the week. Aren't you excited? Another of my rants coming to a blog near you.

Top Reasons That I LUV My Friends

• They keep us supplied with chocolate.
• They share secret family recipes (that I will most likely butcher) and family secrets.
• They make cute kids. (Pre-requisite to being a friend of ours. That way should you change your mind...just kidding.)
• They still write to me even though we haven't seen each other in up to 10 years. (But that will change this summer.)
• They are still my friends even though a few of them think "Shuckie darns" is a curse word.
  
• A few others could make a sailor blush.
• They must love dogs. Or at least cats. Or any animal at all. I'm wary of people who don't like animals.
• They write posts entitled "Power of the Ta-tas."
• They stay up too late reading my blog.
• They get their moms to read my blog.
  
• They stay up late with us to watch Bear Grylls.
• Hanging out with them gives new meaning to the phrase "No Holds Barred"
• We can talk about ANYTHING. And I mean ANYTHING.
• They "get it"
• They would tell me if my fly was down, or I had mascara running, or something in my teeth.
• They have seen me cry.
• They would beat someone up for me if I asked.
  

• And the number one reason why I LUV my friends is that I could not have made it this far without them!
  

Poor Pooped Pup

Too........tired.......to......pack.

Must.........knit........today.

OK, Jed. You win.

Life is what happens...

when you're busy making other plans.

It's so easy to get caught up in what the next step is or lamenting how things should have been. I should know. I'm a five year planner by nature. I want to always be moving on to bigger, better. Go, go, go. I know where I want to be and how I want to get there.

According to my plans I would have currently been a nurse in Africa working with Doctors Without Borders or in Russian orphanages. I wouldn't be due to meet my husband for another four years. I was sure I was going to go abroad doing international nursing and not get married until I was 28. Boy was I wrong. Only about a decade off. According to other plans I should have had a little one just about to enter Sunbeams maybe another on the way, who knows?

Well, obviously I won't be quitting my day job to do any personal planning on a professional basis. Luckily for me, someone else is in charge.Because for all of my planning, I would have missed two of the most amazing, exciting, and awesome adventures! Oh there's a plan alright. A much bigger plan. I just wish I could get a little more clued in on what it is. Then it might be a little easier for me to sit back and enjoy the ride.

At the request of my Gram, I am reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. It is a little "New Age-y" for my tastes but he writes some pretty thought provoking things. I'm even highlighting the book it's such good stuff.

He writes, "Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment."He also writes, "Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be."

There's other stuff that's pretty good too, and some that is way above my philosophical understanding to even get, but I think it brings up a good point. The whole point is to chill and enjoy the moment. Easier said than done for someone who is happiest and most productive going a hundred miles an hour. Problem is, I could be going 100 miles in the WRONG direction.

Thank goodness for the Miss. She helps me stop and enjoy the little moments (even to the point of stopping the car) everyday. Because what if while I was busy planning I had missed this..


or this...


or this.