Apparently it's not cool to like your spouse. Or praise them in public. Ever get around a bunch of women? It doesn't take long before you get the impression that their husbands are lazy good-for-nothins who never do anything right because working, providing, down right putting up with us isn't enough.
I think one of the best things (if we're going to get all "find the good in everything" which it looks like we're about to this morning) about infertility is that it really forces you to look at your marriage. It puts a very weird stress on the relationship. There is no 'staying together for the kids'. You get to honestly look at your relationship and think, "Do I really like this person? I mean really, really like them? Because it may just be us for a long, long, possibly into the next life, long time." I remember getting to a point where I thought that if it is just us, I'll be okay with that. Not my first choice, but we would have been okay.
And there is a part of me that is glad it was just us for a little while. Life can get nuts. We can make life nuts. And sometimes its hard to remember what it was like to be his girlfriend. Because lets face it, there isn't a whole lot that is sexy about burping babies and smelling like formula even though you don't have a kid who spits up. ( (Tangent) How does that happen by the way? It's like the smell soaks in to even your hair. Gag. Have you ever tried the stuff? It's disgusting. I almost feel bad making her drink it. Ever tried breast milk? Even more disgusting. O.K. Now you're seriously weirded out, but I like to know what my kid is drinking. She sucks that bottle down so freakin' fast I wondered if I was missing out on something.)
Now don't get me wrong. Every marriage has it's junk. And it is nice to a have a few (like maybe two) close friends that you can say "seriously getting on my last nerve here" and it's not going to go anywhere, or be held against the poor man. Because in a lot of cases it really is 'poor man'. And your close friends are thinking, "Yes my dear, you're the one that's nuts right now." And those poor husbands are damned if they do and damned if they don't- in a lot of cases.
But for the most part, I don't love my husband. I like him. I mean, of course I love him. But I also really, really like the guy.
Some wives mind when their husbands have hobbies. Like watching football or hiking. Two of my husband's very, very favorite things to do.
But not me.
No. Definitely. Not me.
Because while I love hanging out with my Handsome Husband and I am terribly lonely while he's gone, it also gives me a chance to miss him. (As in, 'how can I miss you if you don't go away?' Cuz you know you snicker inside every time you see that bumper sticker.) It also gives me a chance to get stuff done where I don't feel bad about not clearing my junk off the table for dinner and I can craft, watch movies, eat popcorn, not cook, hang out with Little Miss (and she'll stay in her diaper not wearing shoes or a bow but don't tell) for like twelve hours straight. But that's also because I have a very nice husband. I remember that.
A couple days ago on his way to work he was saying goodbye and told me to have a good day. I told him I was going to try and get the bathrooms cleaned. His response? "O.K. If that's what you want to do. I don't care if the house is clean. Just take care of my Little Miss and keep her happy." Say it together with me...ready? One. Two. Three. "Awwwww!"
So yesterday when he left to climb Half Dome, I said goodbye and told him I would take care of Little Miss. I also told him I'd be super ticked if he fell off the mountain. I really, really like the guy.
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