Bringing out Nurse Ratched

As a home health nurse I have the privilege of doing A LOT of paperwork. It's a little ridiculous if you ask me, but I would like to add one more piece to review with each patient I see. I want it printed on BRIGHTLY colored paper. Maybe we'll embellish it with stickers just so it doesn't get missed. And it will say the following-

Dear Patient,

I do not get paid enough to care for the both of us. If you don't care about your health, well then quite frankly you better have a damn good reason why I should. It is your choice. I'm only here to help, but if you're going to be a jerk wad- just don't. It is not a good idea to piss off the nurse that is about to change your catheter. I promise that I have better things to do on a Sunday afternoon than to deal with your cranky, embittered attitude. If you're going to ignore all the medical advice I share, not do a damn thing to change your lifestyle, or even make an attempt to be polite, then just tell me now and quit wasting my freakin' time. Honestly, I will not be offended if you say, "Listen Nurse Ratched..I know you're trying to help, but I'm really not interested." I will likely thank you for your honesty and be on my way.

Seriously people. Be nice to your nurse. You might be in a lot of pain or be embarrassed that you're in a situation where you have to have someone wipe your butt, but being a jerk-wad doesn't make it any more pleasant for the person who has to do it.